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I lost my mother. The fact that losing a mother made a big impact to my life, hits me. I only have a sister but she lived abroad and she rarely contact me or my father. And since its kinda awkward to live together with my father, so I continued to lived alone in another city. And also, we rarely talk.
After several months, I broke up with my bf. I was tired of waiting him to propose me. I was dissappointed because he once promised me that he will propose me on the specific month but I waited until it exceed for almost half year and he never mentioned it like he was forgot about it.
I am so jealous seeing my friends with their own family (regardless he/she is unmarried or not). Especially when its on a big event/holiday when everyone are together with families, I am still all alone. I am unable to visit my father because of my occupation. I feel like I want to have my own family, since I lived alone and not so close with my family.
Now I have a new boyfriend. However, my bf unable to propose me as soon as we want cz he has some reason. Then, I adopted a pet.
I thought pet would help me, but Iām still feeling sad now I even feel jealous toward my bf who is celebrating a big day/holiday with his parents, bro & sis.
Am I just obsessed with getting married or is it normal for me to feel that way?
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Nobody wants to be alone, that is a universal truth. I don't think your feelings are obsession I think your feelings are loss & fear. You have a void, an emptiness that you are living with & struggling with. Maybe it is the loss of your Mother or maybe from something else but everything you are doing seems to be in an effort to fill that void. I'm sorry to say but truth is - if you are unhappy alone you will be unhappy with someone too. The pet, the bf, it's all an effort to fix what is missing within you. Until you can feel whole first you cannot feel whole with anyone or anything else, you will just bring the emptiness with you & everyone & everything will just disappear into it unless you can find out what it is & fix it. I wish you luck and peace in your journey. Heal yourself, free yourself, find your path, & fly.
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