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I know I'm a horrible person. I know what I did was wrong in every sense. So please don't read if you don't plan on leaving a helpful comment.
So I'm a liar, okay. I lie about everything from the little things to big ones. And I lied to someone about being dead for almost seven years now. The thing is I met him back then on a website. We were online friends. I lied to him about so many thing but most importantly my name. I never sent him a picture and he never heard my voice. All he had was my phone number. Which has changed now.
Anyway, there's no reason for why I lied. There's never really a good reason to lie but anyway, I told him I plan on killing myself. I was depressed but never really planned on killing myself. It happened as simply as just not getting a text again from me and not going online again after telling him 'today is the day'. Even though a couple months later, I logged it, sent a text as if it were my sister speaking confirming I'm very much dead.
Anyway, that was seven years ago. Two years ago, I looked him up and found out where he worked. Long story short, I need up apply for a job at the hospital he was at, and I got the job. I don't know how, literally I constantly tried to stay away from him, but gradually we got to know each other and became friends. We've been friends for about a year now and of course he doesn't know. Like I said, I lied about my name, he never saw a picture of me, never heard my voice.
Anyway, so as we got to know each other even more he mentioned once having a friend from the same country as mine. He didn't really say much. But I got the notion he hasn't forgotten that me. So the thing is, back then, I gave him a nickname. He didn't really mind it but he was like 'nobody really calls me that'. And guess what my stupid ass decided to name him on my phone when you have me his number six months ago? So what happened was about a month ago, I had lost my phone and he was helping search for it, and he saw the name on the screen. He asked me why I named him that and I just said the first lie that came to my mind. And ever since that day he has been acting a little weird. He has mentioned 'the girl he knew seven years ago who killed herself' many times even though before I could never get him to take about her/me. How somehow happens to be from the same country I am from, immigrated to the same country my family did to, studied at the same college I did, around the same age I am, has a brother that is around his age just like me, has a sister that is a dentist and another that is a doctor same as mine. I wrote those things because he started asking question about them all too often. Sometimes I lie and sometimes I don't. Because I honestly don't know what he'll do if he finds out.
He is a really good guy and our friendship means a lot to me. And to him to. I've thought about telling him the truth so many times but I just didn't want to hurt him. I feel like just taking this to the grave. And I'm thinking about quitting my job and getting a new one else where. Because I honestly don't want to tell him nor do I wanna be around when he finds out if he finds out. He once told me he prays for her/my soul because I guess people who kill themselves don't go to heaven. But if he find out, he will for sure pray that I rot in hell. Even though he's too kind of a person to wish that on anybody. I have no idea why the universe thought it was a good idea for someone like him to meet someone like me.
Does anyone have any piece of advice?
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This is going to sound offensive and I don’t intend that at all but you really do need professional help. This isn’t even a little bit normal. This can actually cause mental harm to people. Please see a doctor and discuss options for medication or therapy. As for this guy, you should leave the hospital and stay away from him. Don’t tell him any of this, just leave. This can cause people to become extremely paranoid to think that someone could take a lie to such extremes. He may never trust again. Please get help.
ReplyI will consider therapy. Thank you.
ReplyDon't let this man know who you really are. Leave your job and get another one. Make an effort to stop telling lies because liars are caught out. If you stay at your job much longer you might be caught out.
ReplyThank you for your comment. I assure you I am constantly making an effort to not lie as much. And I don't lie as often as I used to back then.
ReplyThank you for your comment. I assure you I am constantly making an effort to not lie as much.
ReplyMore lies and running away is not the answer.
ReplyIt sounds to me like he already suspects and if you leave without telling him everything he will probably always wonder about it. I think, while therapy for you sounds like the way to go, honesty with him is sorely needed. Explain to him that you are a pathological liar and that you are seeking treatment for it, it may still end the friendship but don't you think he deserves some closure?
ReplyI don't know. Seven years ago, when I first told him I plan to kill myself, he said 'I wish you never told me'. He preferred wondering why I suddenly decided not to talk to him anymore. So I don't really know if he'd want to know the truth.
Reply