Unanswered letters

I found this site just by a google search. And it was interesting to me that it has a section for letters that wont send. Three years back when I separated and the divorce was started I thought that enlisting would show growth. Would show my soon to be ex wife that I was worth a second shot. But right before i shipped out she said she had made up her mind. I was in a dark place. I was over weight and lost the weight I needed to ship out unhealthily. I would walk 8+ hours daily, pretending it was 8+ more hours I walked to her. I barely ate. But I got to the weight I needed to be at to leave. While in boot camp, you can write letter while in sleeping time, though youre not supposed to. I wrote 8 letters to her, that I never sent. A way for me to try and cope with the reality i would have to face once out. In those letters i mentioned my progress, happy moments of our ten years, and apologies for moments i made her angry. The happy moments are seared into my memory, the unhappy moments haunt me. I loved her the hardest I knew how to at the age of 18. And by the age of 28 I lost all I knew. It was an awful 8 weeks remembering that she would no longer be my mrs. It was even worse having the moments of waking up before revile thinking you were waking up in the same bed you shared with her, to look to your side and see the other males in their racks.