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Hello!
I'm going to be making this and try not to make it depressing because there tends to be a lot of depressing things. Forewarning there are triggers upahead with sexual assault so please continue at your own risk and please comment and help me out it would be greatly appreciated
When I was about 5 or 6 years old my uncle came over with his kid and he was a few years older than me so about 9 or 10 years old when this happened. Somewhere around there.
I was told I could trust this man and then got sexually assaulted several times the month they stayed, I vividly remeber it, my therapist told me it's what the brain does. It tends to block of memories. I have to say it has happened more than once, at the time when I was 5 or 6 it happened more than three or four times.
Being an innocent child I thought it was normal and told some other kids about this "game" he played with me and lost lots of friends because their parents didnt want them around me anymore because I was being sexually abused and no one took action.
Flash forward a few years later I was about 8 or 9 and it almost happened again, he came into my room when I was playing dolls and that's the last thing I rember before I woke up on my bed in the middle of the night. This is when all my nightmares started and me clinging to a baby blanket I had since I was born for comfort got worse.
I didnt see him again until I had moved back to that state at around 10 or 11 and I feel like he had intentions again because he had taken me into the middle of the woods and was cornering me until he got a phone call that we needed to be back home, we had went inside and he had his hand on my upper thigh the whole time while I tried to watch minecraft videos.
Fast forward again I was maybe 13 or 14 I seen him, he came into my room and the first time in a long time he didnt try to do anything right away, instead showed me porn and told me I should be like that.
I still had a childlike mind due to the fact I was traumatized at a young age and took it as "this is normal," and I did up until late middle school.
I'm 17 now and I seen him at Thanksgiving last year and I couldn't breath I was freaking out the whole time something was so obviously wrong and I had to push it aside and say it was just anxiety from so many people, every room I went into he was there I went outside and he was there was no escape I hid in the bathroom and called my friends crying because I didnt know what to do.
I only just recently told my therapist about what happened and it was only about the first time it did, due to Corona school shut down and I couldn't see her anymore since she was a school counselor.
Today is his birthday, all I see everywhere is him, I had to log off social media to hide myself from jt because I cant look someone who raped me in the face even if it's a photo.
My parents and family keep talking to me about him and talk aboug him while I'm in the room I don't know what to do I'm afraid the day I finally come out to tell them they'll say I'm lying or it happened so long ago hes changed.
I would normally talk to my therapist about this stuff but she quit her job and I still havent received someone to take her place.
What do I do, I dont want to tear my family apart but I need someone to listen to me and be there and belive me but I'm stuck in a cage of guilt with no visible exit.
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You should tell your parents.. he tore the family apart by doing such heinous crime...even if your parents initially may not understand/not agree/call you liar, try to be patient with them and make them understand...they are YOUR parents, they love you and will do anything to protect you..
I am extremely sorry that you had to go through this at such a young age
You are really very brave and courageous..you inspire me to be bold as well.. please take care of yourself and I love you💜💜💜
Replyyea u need to tell to your parents. i believe you and I am ready to listen to you.
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