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The minutes pass, time just flies by... And every second I wonder if this should be now... If I should break this wall of uncertainty, doubts and guilt and finally tell you what I really feel. Leave it up to you to determine what the future's going to look like. It's hard. I don't even feel specific emotions anymore, I don't even feel sad. I just get lost in my head. Countless thoughts but they mean nothing. I wonder and it stresses me out... I wonder if I should really do it in the end... I always want to do it. Eventually. I'll have to do it out of the blue. In all this chaos, that's still the only thing in my mind... I'll probably be so worn out by the time I decide to do it that it won't even mean anything anymore. I don't see a point in life anymore... I don't say I want to die anymore but it doesn't look like I'll live... It all just feels so dangerous... Unknown emotions, risky actions, questionable decisions. And life has lost all it's meaning. Food, alcohol, sex, love... They all feel like something far away and out of reach, something from the past. As if I had my chance and now nothing will ever be the same again. From now on everything will seem empty, broken, less fun. People are made to break. People are meant to be tested. Maybe adults aren't really adults until they've reached a certain level of apathy. The kind of apathy that keeps you going without a reason. The kind of apathy that hurts but just a little. Maybe we only have to fight to get there. And the rest will be clearer. Until then the hours will last forever and we'll count our heartbeats. Maybe look around worried take a deep breath and sink deeper. Until one more day is over. Wonder if life's like this for others... Wonder what to do now...
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There are so many empty people walking around on this little planet. Lonely people. Angry people. Bitter. Forgotten.
ReplyIt's just that somewhere among all those emotions being repeated again and again, your mind just stops being able to bother. And you might still care and it might still hurt but you still feel a something that none of these can describe.
ReplyEveryone is afraid of something. We fear things because we value them. We fear losing people because we love them. We fear dying because we value being alive. Don't wish you didn't fear anything. All that would mean is that you didn't feel anything
ReplyI know I feel something. It just seems to be beyond any description
ReplyIn all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other
ReplyBut sometimes it feels like the planet has run out of people for you to even interact with. I didn't realise just how lonely I was until I opened up to others and they didn't understand a word.
ReplyIt’s easy to stand with the crowd it takes courage to stand alone
ReplyYou're so right...
ReplyMaybe you aren't empty, or misunderstood. Maybe you are at the peak of perfection.
ReplyI've never heard anything like that my entire life. You made me cry after a long time. I will always value your words.
ReplyAnd here’s wishing you the very best for all the new ventures, that life has in store for you.
ReplyThank you... And I wish you the same from the bottom of my heart
ReplyI'm doing it. I'm crying so intensely, I'm shaking. I'll do it. I'll tell them. A stranger. After a year apart. I'll tell them I loved them like I've never loved myself. I'll tell them missing them makes me want to stay up all night just to see the sunlight before I go to bed. I'll tell them even though I know I will never hear what I wanted. Because we weren't meant to be. Because I might feel the stars for you but you don't. Because even if I committed suicide life goes on. Because I am losing my mind.
ReplyI'm doing it. I'm crying so intensely, I'm shaking. I'll do it. I'll tell them. A stranger. After a year apart. I'll tell them I loved them like I've never loved myself. I'll tell them missing them makes me want to stay up all night just to see the sunlight before I go to bed. I'll tell them even though I know I will never hear what I wanted. Because we weren't meant to be. Because I might feel the stars for you but you don't. Because even if I committed suicide life goes on. Because I am losing my mind.
ReplyI felt this in my soul.
ReplyCheers:/
Reply