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Please Help Me... I Need Advice . I am stuck in the middle
4 years ago · 5 · Stress need advice, +4
626
For the past 8months..I have been on a online relationship with my boyfriend who I am friends with for... 6 years before we naturally develop feelings towards each other.... We have talk about our future plans...What My expectation and such we agreed that I would preferably live in a country where we could raise our children safely ..I am 28 of age and asian he is 23 and Black American... I acknowledge both parents do not want to have black grandchildren ...coz in my country it is considered undesirable that is why whitening products is highly commercialized ..I am not bothered with his skintone because we are all humans. That is we both kept our relationship in a low profile ... coz my parents dont support my choice ..I choose my bf cos he respect and always put my well being first and I do the same to him... and his mom knows about me.. and we both agree after he visits me I would visit and meet his side of the family especially her mom who is supportive and trust him for making a good decision.. we are not rushing we just want to be legal on both families and hope our family would accept our relationship and the desire to be with each other... and I need advice my mom ...she just ask me to go to pick up a new car she bought for me...I was speechless..I feel like they are buying me stuff to keep me here and so I wont move out. ..If I do decide to leave ...the family business will be affected coz they expect me to continue the family business...I have a delima if I do decide to be with the man who I adore and love my happiness...I have to leave my family coz my family think its not safe to raise children here with black skin tone will be discriminated and will shame my family... but if I do decide to stay I will make my parents proud and happy.... Please Help Me... I Need Advice . I am stuck in the middle. thank you for reading this,
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Hi! I am 19 years old, and while I haven’t experienced too many difficult decisions in my life, I do know a thing or two about love. I was blessed enough to be raised by parents who are fully supportive of who I date and who I love. My advice would be to inform your parents of your boyfriend, and to tell them how you feel. I understand that this may not work, but it is important to be explicitly clear in everything you say. No matter what, don’t live your life for them! Their job was to raise you to make your own decisions, and now you are old enough to do so. Please live your own life, not theirs. It is okay to move out. It is okay to do things for yourself. They don’t have to agree. It could get messy, and turn into a fight, but remind them that you still love them and will visit. It might be hard but I believe you can do it. Be strong, stand up for yourself and the man you love.
ReplyWhen you grow up you move away from your family and you can't do everything to please them. If your new car is a bribe to try to force you to be with them they are nasty and selfish and don't have your best in their hearts. Be with your boyfriend.
ReplyHow much time have you spent with him in person?
People can be completely different with their interactions online as opposed to IRL. Even when you have know each other in real life for a long time living with someone is completely different then dating them. I am not trying to discourage you but there are a lot of things you need to consider in this relationship besides just how your parents feel and racial differences.
Is he ready to get married? Are you? Where will you live? How will you support yourselves? If your family is really against it are you prepared to be cut off from them if you can't change their minds? Have you ever lived in another country? Will you be able to be so far from home with no support system? What if your relationship doesn't work out?
Just consider all possible scenarios before making any decisions that could effect the rest of your life and have a backup plan for if things go wrong.
ReplyI have Never met him in person yet we plan on meeting next year.. if the pandemic is over...but have been friends with him for 6 years on fb ..I appreciate the heavy questions and possibilities you have given to me..it open up my mind and enlighten me... Both of us share the same expectations but would need to met in person before he and I decided whether to pursue or not because I agree with you the person you are talking online and in person might be different and the question would be can he and I tolerate each other in person...that is why I told him expectation and reality might not match.. but how I interact with him before and now is still the same we approach each other with respect and no judgement. Good question where would I live? he does not like to live in my country coz Internet quality here is not good.. honestly I am more comfortable living in my country my concerns is what if he and I do have kids.. and would be bullied here...so he prefers to live in Europe. who will support? he told he would for few months until I get qualified and study again and pass the state exam .. the part where I will be cut off from my family is the part that would break my heart...family means everything for me. that is why I made an agreement with my father to give my boyfriend a chance to get to know him ...because I want all to accept our relationship coz my boyfriend is a good man . I have never been out of the country I have never traveled abroad. to Be far from home I am afraid of that ... with no support system who will I ran and ask for help if the relationship did not work ... that is also my fathers concern if I am far away from home who would rescue me? that is why he is also worried for my safety... I understand and acknowledge that from my conversation with my boyfriend he and I share same agreement that violence is something we dont want would try to resolve issue in a calm manner. ........ you made me realize so many things.. I agree I should not be in a hurry that is why he and I are taking it slowly but surely. Your opinion is highly valued and appreciated... I recognized my decision could affect my future now sighing.. and contemplating coz I know my life is comfortable here and my parents only wants what is best for me yetmy boyfriend makes me happy he is still studying final year on college and is also working part time job to support himself.... he is a good son to her mom he took care of her when she needed help and brought her to the hospital ... he never bad mouth me or any woman but you have a point one cannot live in just love alone needs to be financial stability ... I appreciate your opinion so much! Thank you for highlighting important issue.
ReplyI am glad I could be of help. Good luck in whatever you choose and best wishes.
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