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My significant other got into a physical confrontation with his dad recently, so bad that his father severed their bond and they don’t consider themselves father and son anymore, he was living with his sister and then grandparent away from home to avoid contact with his father. I’ve been trying my best to support him through this, I love him so much. He means the world to me, I’ve been supporting him when he needs it, and respecting his space when he needs it as well. It just seems like he’s been drifting away from me lately, he’s always out with friends which I completely understand, but it’s gotten to the point where it feels like he loves them more than me. It feels like he’s trying to escape me and I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. The only thing he really talks about anymore is his job and his girl bestfriend. He says he loves me and the reason he’s been so attached to his friends is they help him live in the moment and not worry as much. But even when I try and talk about our day or joke and laugh, or just simply have a nice conversation like he does with his girl best friend he doesn’t reciprocate.. it makes me wonder what she has that I don’t. I know this sounds selfish that I’m worrying about myself while he is in crisis, I only want the best for him because I love him so much, I just hope he still loves me. I’ll respect whatever decision he makes, I know he’s not himself right now and I just want to be the best girlfriend I can. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you for reading 🙏🏻
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Wow you're definitely in a tough spot, but it's not hopeless. I can understand both of your viewpoints. It sounds sort of like when a couple suffers a tragedy and they end up growing distant because it's too painful to be reminded of the tragedy all the time (hence the reason for seeking new or superficial contact with people).
The only advice I can give is from my own experience when I was going through a tough time. My gf was perfect because she let me vent, and she agreed with everything I said (even if she secretly didn't). So it's like we bonded through a common pain. Maybe you're already doing this. The key is to show that you are as upset as he is, but without being a downer. Maybe you could say something like "Hey this really sucks, why don't we binge watch mindless tv for 8 hours to get our minds off the suckiness" (that was something my gf suggested and it worked). Try everything and see what works!
ReplyThank you so much, it means a lot just to know I’m not doing something terribly wrong, and that I’m not the only one. It’s definitely tough and I think that it will get better with time I just need to give him support and time without trying to make things better too fast. I think he needs time and I’ll be there for him every single step of the way, even if he needs me to step out of the way sometimes. I haven’t been bringing it up to him unless he brings it up to me which seems like it’s been helping. I’m really hoping the relationship between him and his dad heals, but even if it doesn’t I’ll be there for him whenever he needs me, thank you so much for the advice. I’m so glad to know I’m not just crazy :(
ReplyHe is taking you for granted and you should talk to him about this.
Reply