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Quite some time since I've been here. I've written here at my lows and I've written here at my highs. A lot more lows than highs and honestly it shows. I'm really tired of finding myself back at the bottom. It's exhausting and crushing and it's so heavy I don't even know what to do. Everything that I had is once again lost. I always pretend that things aren't going to end up back here but the frequency that I find myself here proves otherwise. I'm so tired. Every time I feel like things are going well and everything is going to be ok it all just gets taken away from me so quickly. How am I supposed to do this? Nothing is permanent in my life except the recurrence of loss and disappointment. How can everything hurt so bad and I simultaneously feel nothing at all? I'm so tired. I constantly feel like such a waste of space and a major disappointment. For the past few weeks I've found myself waking up from horribly vivid nightmares that are still somehow better than every waking moment. It's incredibly hard to feel rested when every night is some sort of dream that makes me feel like I've hardly slept at all. How am I supposed to do anything when I feel so exhausted all the time all the time literally all the time.. I'm so tired. Trying to go to bed early to somehow fix a wreck of a sleep schedule only to wake up every couple hours and struggle to find sleep once more is part of the reason I feel like I'm quickly losing my sanity. Or perhaps just my patience. But a lack of patience is sure to make one feel as though they're losing touch. I'm so tired. I'm young but I feel like I've been alive for so long. I feel like I'm wasting my life, losing time. Am I just becoming the abyss I dwell in? Why do I feel so empty but so full of thoughts so many thoughts they're so loud it's deafening make them stop let me sleep. I'm so tired. Why is the best sleep I ever get when I'm cripplingly depressed? Why can't I have a shred of sanity a n d be able to sleep? Just let me keep this one small piece of my mind and give me enough peace of mind to just sleep. Let me sleep let me sleep I'm so tired please just let me sleep I can sleep through this I can sleep through a l l of this if you would just fall asleep and stay asleep just sleep please.. Please. I'm so tired.
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I know it's hard when you feel exhausted and tired of everything. And I know it when you seem to get your life together, something happens and disappoint you. But, you gotta never give up, you'll get through this and become stronger.
Hoewever, you need sometime for yourself and your mind. Take a step back from everything and breath just let out all the feelings inside of you and all the negative thoughts. You need to relax and realize that life can be so hard sometimes but it's worth living and worth doing what we love and be with people we care about.
There are those days when we feel like every time we get closer to what we want, it gets away, but we still gotta believe and work hard for our goals.
I want you to know that you're not alone in this and you will get through it. You are strong and loved.
❤❤
Replyare you breathing at night? I've been down the exhausted road and you wake up and your mind gets flooded with reality and you just want a break. But maybe there's a medical condition in the background that could so easily be fixed.... i found i stopped breathing an average of 29 times an hour every night, and had severe restless leg syndrome on top of that. I maybe got an hour or 2 of quality most nights the last 5-8 years because all I remember is just being so tired and having to function that way. I didn't understand what rest really felt like. See a sleep specialist, if you can. It may not fix things, but if it could isn't it worth it to check?
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