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I'd talk about it with a therapist so he/she could give me some tools to deal with it, but I can't afford it. So your help will be really appreciated.
I have been in a relationship with someone -both guys- for more than 10 years. We've had MANY problems, arguments, differences. I think I'm stuck in my life and that this relationship is going nowhere. But I don't know what to do. Or to be more specific, I don't know how to break up with him. It's like I had no energy to do it. The other problem -or the MAIN one, I don't know- is that I feel constantly guilty for my past mistakes. I can't deal with this guilt. Every time I think about breaking up, MANY memories of when I was insensitive/disgusting/selfish come up. What can I do? I feel lost, trapped. I wanna cry over and over again.
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It's ok we all make mistakes but the important thing is that we learn from them and I can see that you've learnt and known that it's wrong to deal with things this way.
Anyway, about your relationship, when nothing seems going right in the relationship, then you know it becomes toxic. You both are draining your energy and feelings into problems and arguments and this is not healthy for you, but you gotta know the reason behind it. Try to just sit back and think of it to find the reason or maybe you both can discuss it quietly.
After this you can be honest with him and tell him how you feel, tell him that you think it's better for both of you to break up or at least take a break.
I hope it all goes right with you ❤
ReplySay both of these things to 1. your partner, and to 2. an actual friend in your real life who has no skin in the game of whether you and your partner stay together or not, but 100% has your back.
That'll shift the inertia a bit. You'll learn something from how each of them respond (and how you respond to their responses), and you'll be on a team with your partner in figuring this out (instead of holding it as a secret), and you'll have an outsider to help you decipher what's you and what's the relationship and also help identify if your partner is playing fair or not.
I'm suggesting this approach partly because I can't tell if the relationship going nowhere is a cause or an effect... if you are stuck in your own life, that's gonna manifest in any relationship.
Hope this is helpful.
ReplyBefore you take any decision, just take a step back and think. From what I understand, you have been together for 10 years, excuse me if i misunderstood here. But even if it's just 10 months, think why you started it in the first place and why do you want to leave now. Speak to your partner. It's tough to start but believe me, once you start, you will get the hang of it and be able to be completely true to him... Who knows maybe this can make your relationship more solid sometimes.. Hope things go well !!
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