I started again

I haven’t ever been super careful about what I eat, but now I’m tracking my weight every night. I have anorexia. I’m never able to make myself throw up so I just...hold the food in my mouth at the dinner table and excuse myself to spit it in the toilet. It’s been 18 hours since I’ve eaten anything. I took a walk this morning. Last time I weighed myself I gained a pound. I weighed 114.7 lbs. I’m going for just 2 digits. I know this is probably unhealthy but I can’t stop myself from doing it.