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Do you ever get the feeling that sometimes you’re completely misunderstood. You know you’re not a bad person, but sometimes you do things with a good intention which is perceived negatively. Sometimes you think you’re helping the situation when in actual fact you’ve probably made a mistake. Why is it that we are severely punished for honest mistakes even if we have tried to rectify them. I just feel that, no matter how hard I try I always seems to mess up somehow or hurt the people close to me. I feel like a bad person and a bad friend. Sometimes I feel that people would be better off without me because then they won’t be hurt by me. I sit and I think to myself of all the things that have happened to me and I’ve promised myself I would never hurt someone that way, yet somehow I make a mistake and I’ve hurt someone. Is there something wrong with me? Is it just a natural thing for me? I try so hard to please everyone and keep everyone happy. I’m there for everyone, I support everyone, I’m always there when people need help and I never give up on people - yet everyone I have loved or have been close too gives up on me. I don’t understand why I’m so easy for people to hurt, leave and betray. I have people in my life yet I still feel so alone. I feel like I can’t truly depend on anyone because everyone eventually leaves.
Sometimes I feel like I want everything to end, to have an off switch to turn off everything I’m feeling but then I realise, it’s not that I want to my life to end. It’s the feeling and the situation I’m going through that I want to die. I’m tired of the feelings I go through but I’m not tired of my existence. Does that even make sense?
I have a lot of build up hurt and betrayal, I long for love and attention, I long for appreciation and to feel valued. I just really want someone to prove to me that I’m worth it. I don’t really know why I’m typing this, I just thought it would help me, I’m thinking now that I probably just sound really silly. I don’t know. My life is a mess, I am a mess and I so desperately just want to be happy and for everything to be ok. I don’t know how much more I can take... my fake smile and “yeah I’m good” isn’t going to last much longer.. I really need an off switch. I just really need to disappear...
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I don't think so.
ReplyJust remember to tell yourself you did it for the good, dont let people twist your mind. I understand what you said
ReplyYeah I feel you. One time I was trying to help a customer but they got mad at me instead and left abruptly and I didn't even get the chance to explain myself. Lol so much for being a kind person. However I told myself that they probably didn't understand my perspective so the respond they way they did. If only they knew of my intentions they would not have felt angry at me. Sometime we are nice but other just take it the wrong ways. Some are not even try to understand us and instead just jump to conclusion. Your friends and the people around you who doesn't even try to understand you is not worth your time. True friends and people who understand you will not abandon you easily. You should love yourself more. Not everyone deserve your kindness.
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