Depression is coming back

First lockdown, I had a lot to sort out. Financially and mentally. This second one has screwed me over big time. I have zero income, as I'm a casual worker, but pretty much had full time hours every wk. My company is too big, so they don't qualify for the new subsidy. I have a roof over my head. I have food. So I understand I am well off than others. But being belittled and emotionally pressured because now I can't pay my share of the household, bills and other things is putting me in a vegetative state again. I can get another job... thing is if I do, the trip I have planned in October, I cant get most of my money back. As its already prepaid and the most I can get back is half of my share for the accom as is policy. So do I waste almost 1k for a holiday I can potentionally go on and risk however long it is til lvl 1 when I have shifts and flowing income? Or get a job thats more than likely minimum, and waste 1k...? Either one is difficult for me to choose.

Ugh there's just too much time rn for me that having a peaceful or busy mind to keep me from feeling down, is really annoying. I'm going through the old motions. And I'm trying to keep active and have a positive mindset. But somethings never die...

I understand we are in lockdown again for a reason. But I'm just so angry at everyone who failed us when we were in lockdwon for almost 2 months the first time, to finally be a covid free country, to be in it again.

T^T 2020 was supposed to be a good year..... but from the get go, it was just getting worse and worse every month