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im not disgusted at love. im scared of it. i dated a year ago and the relationship ended on a rough patch. now i have this perpetual fear that the same thing will happen in my next relationship. i crave love sometimes. i would like to know what true love feels like but i feel as if none of my qualities are good enough to get in another relationship. im sometimes jealous of those in love because i want to know what it feels like to be loved more than anything. to be thought of even once a day. to be thought of as worthy. does anyone think of me during their day? i hope so. even thinking about the possibility makes me smile. am i anyone's first choice? probably not. im the third wheel of all my friendships. the one you turn to when youre bored or lonely as you wait for your other friend to show up. i call people my best friend. but do they call me theirs? i cal people important to me but am i just as important to them? god, do people actually like me or am i just another annoying weight on their ankles. do people ignore me sometimes because theyre sick of me? i am lonely. so incredibly lonely sometimes. i wonder if i ever pop up in her head from time to time like she does. i wonder how she is today. i wonder whats changed about her. i miss her. i wonder if she misses me.
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I'm very sorry that you feel this way. I've been here a lot of times. But I promise you, you will meet the right person. I was scared of getting into a new relationship and I've been taken advantage by many boys in my past. I pushed away my boy best friend twice because I was so frightened he would be the same as the others. But, he didn't give up on me because he knows what I've been through. He finally earned my heart by proving to me that he wasn't like the other boys. So, on July 8th, he claimed me as his girlfriend. So, I know what it's like pushing others away because of the fear of getting a broken heart. But in the end, you find that special someone. i really hope you find your special someone soon. And I pray that you're staying safe. :)
ReplyYou should be sleeping at 4 am not feeling sorry for yourself. Change your attitude and think in a more positive way. Do things you like and keep yourself busy. Don't bother about what others are thinking and get on with things.
ReplyI'm sorry to hear that. You should look into this psychology thing called attachment styles. It's basically how people feel towards love/affection/emotional bonds in general. If you don't have what's called a secure attachment, you need to work on overcoming your obstacles. It will take time, but trust me, it's much better than masking the problem. Everyone deserves to have self-respect and not fear love or think they're unworthy. Trust me, I've been where you are.
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