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I’m losing my attachment to people, pets, personal items, and now life. I don’t feel the same range of emotions as strongly, my anxiety is going away. I still have things I like doing and I still have ‘dreams’ and hope. I don’t know why, like I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in the past few years. But I see like this: if I live then I live and if I die then I die. Somedays I just don’t feel like eating which I know I need to because I’m trying to gain weight. But it makes me think maybe it’s time for me to go. And yes I know I could have stuff to give to this world but I know it’s also okay if I don’t. I don’t look forward to things everyday. I get up, maybe I dance to some music, make breakfast, do some schoolwork, dance more, eat, text my friends, watch Netflix, eat, have a random idea pop into my head, contemplate the idea, write the idea down, go to bed. Like I love what I do, I love myself, but I just don’t feel like I belong here anymore. Other people just seem so inconsiderate and I hate it. I guess it’s because of my social anxiety, but I would automatically make sure people aren’t uncomfortable because small things would make me uncomfortable. But my friends always seemed so confused why I do that. I always thought everyone just did that but they don’t. And people like revenge, I’m not an eye for an eye kind of person. And I don’t stay close with bad people (people who are mean, do drugs, are racist or homophobic, people who refuse to listen, narcissists, abusers, etc) whether it’s family or not which has given me a ton of backlash but whatever.
I just feel like I shouldn’t be in this world. I feel like I’ve seen enough for me to leave
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