What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
I'm in love with my best friend. I'm also married.
My wife is actually aware and has been for a long time. In fact, my friend and I realized we had feelings for each other and came to her, asking her if she'd be okay with me having a polyamorous relationship. She wasn't. So I told her I wouldn't act on my feelings, and I never did, and my friend and I kept things purely platonic.
A month ago, my wife felt a romantic connection to another person, and it was the epiphany she needed to understand that one love need not threaten another. So now we're polyamorous. Part of me is still frustrated that it couldn't happen until *she* had found someone, but really I know she was just hesitant and unsure.
So I told my best friend, and confessed how strongly I felt. "I'm absolutely in love with you, and have been for a long time." They told me they loved me (no "in") and how important I was to them. It was about as wonderful and reassuring as a letdown could be.
And it hurts so much. I can't help wondering if things would have been different if we'd been able to connect when we were both feeling that spark . . . but I would never have wanted to hurt my wife. I just keep looking at myself and wondering what changed, what sexiness or awesomeness did I lose? And then I get so pissed with myself, because I have an amazing wife and a great best friend, and a world of other dating options . . . but I just want them. :(
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Stay with me friend
Don't bail out on me now. Don't bail out on me anytime soon. It's like what a church service is supposed to be when I feel your touch. It's like an epic adventu...
-
My problem
The way I view relationships of very different to most people I’m in love with my girlfriend and I’m very committed to her But also I love my friends and...
Forgive my forwardness but you got what you deserved... you wanted your Wife & your bestfriend which is just a declaration of selfish desire & ego. Now your Wife fancies someone else & you've essentially lost them both. Had you never opened the door to this possibility to begin with none of this would've happened & now you have only yourself to thank. With any luck your Wife may be more sensible than yourself & quickly lose interest in her paramore and return to a more simple polygamous relationship & you two will be better for it.
ReplyToo many layers, like peeling an onion.
So... you could not understand why your wife did not accept you desiring someone else until she strayed from her commitment and learned that desiring someone else is "normal". I hope for the sake of innocent lives that there are no children involved in this. But at least it's open; it might certainly be much worse if this was about adultery with its deceit and betrayal; its more adultery without the deceit and betrayal. It's all fun and games until someone fall in love.. or someone gets prego.
I'm not condemning your lifestyle, but I am objectively evaluating it. You, my friend, live in a "world" without boundaries, while being bound to your vessel, time and space. If it works for you, then knock yourself out. Unfortunately, the other men in the lives of "your" women are probably not going to be as open to sharing their lovely ladies with you... or much less of the thought of all of you exchanging fluids, bacteria and viruses... and if a child is spawned - of sharing their child with you.
On the topic of falling in love with a friend of the opposite sex - this is precisely why I avoid women who have "best" friends who are men. And I would advise women to avoid men who have "best" friends that are women.... because once the alcohol starts to flow - we all get intoxicated with an illusion of a utopia that simply does not exist in reality, and alcohol has been the ruin of many. So it's probably best to just avoid going down that "yellow brick road" to start.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
With the commitment of marriage you need to guard your heart from forming an inappropriate attachment to a member of the opposite sex. True, many feel that flirting with members of the opposite sex does no harm to a marriage. But God’s Word warns us:
“The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate. Who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)
Has your heart fooled you? Ask yourself: ‘To whom am I most attentive—my spouse or some other member of the opposite sex? With whom do I share good news first—my spouse, or someone else? If my spouse asked me to limit my contact with an associate of the opposite sex, how would I react? Would I be resentful, or would I happily make the requested change?’
Reply