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You cause me so much pain. Your disorder, the way you blame me for everything wrong in your life, your guilt, your shame, the way you don't believe in me is most painful. Now I have a high tolerance for pain level but I never thought it could get this bad. I hate you, and I love you. I don't even now anymore. Why? Are you doing it not knowing you are? Or are you just so stuck in your head that you can't see whats right in front of you. You now at night I look up at the ceiling, and I see a reflection of myself laughing at me, and then burning in flames. I reach out but I'm alone. I try to comfort myself but I'm alone. I try to organize like a little library but it's all messy like the politic world. Why?
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Because of love. It's all because of stupid love. When you feel pain from her, it's because of a lack of love. And when she actually starts to care, you start to feel her love again. It's so f*cked up, trust me I know, but it's all being done out of love/lack of love. She's probably in denial with how she treats you... probably blinded by her own lack of love perhaps from when SHE was once a child. I'm not really sure though. I could be completely wrong, as you are the one who knows your story and your situation better than me. And again that sense of feeling all alone, it's also from lack of love. It's okay to still love your own family and friends etcetra, even when they are idiots who have treated you unfairly (again I've been there). You just have to learn to forgive them then, and move on, with or without them. There are billions of other human beings on this earth. So it's also completely okay to find love somewhere else, if you truly don't feel the want/need to seek forgiveness in your mother. Just don't blame others anymore. We all suffer from the f*cked up ways of others, but it is OUR own choice to keep taking it in or to push it out and say "enough! I'LL do whats best and whats right, for ME!" you know what I mean? Lol best of luck to you love. Have a great rest of your day (:
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