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I love him. I do. However, I am tired. I feel most of the weight of the relationship. I do a lot of things for him. I help him keep up with his schoolwork by reminding him and checking on his grades. I made a deal with his mom that he could live with me if his grades were good. I started getting stressed about his schoolwork and not my own. I would get upset every time he missed an assignment or if his grades were failing. I would put all of this pressure on me like it was my own fault. I started doing things for him around the house. The simple things like reminding him to take his meds, making sure he wakes up on time while I'm at my job, doing his laundry. It got to the point I was more doing stuff for him than him for me. If that makes sense. I feel like I did everything. Yes, he did help with groceries and some bills but still. I found out recently that he missed two big assignments because he forgot. He told me that he submitted them wrong. He lied to me. He said he did not want to hurt me, but lying to me made it worse. Should I keep him? I love him so much I do not want him to go. I can't sleep without him next to me. I feel like letting him go only causes me more pain than anything. I don't know what to do.
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When you are doing more for a person then they could do for themselves this might be a red flag for you. It sounds like you have become a parent to him. How old is he? Maybe you can both can create houserules
ReplyHouse rules to stick by for a certain amount of months and if that doesn't work give him an ultimatum. Maybe he might also have other problems as well.
Replyexpress your worries and frustrations with him. see if he can pick up some of his own weight. if nothing changes, think about giving an ultimatum of sorts
ReplyYou are doing the giving and not getting enough of the receiving which makes your relationship unbalanced. You are teaching him to rely on you instead of relying on himself. Stop being his other mother and be his equal partner otherwise you will be used. Tell him you aren't going to be his other mother any more and he has to be the big boy now as he has left home and it is time he stands on his own two feet.
ReplyThis isn't love, its dysfunctional codependence. Ask me how I know? Yep, been there. You literally just described a relationship I once had, minus the 3 kids of theirs I also raised. What to do? Someone has to go. This is going nowhere and its wasting your time and energy and you are going to feel like a fool when its all over. However, hopefully you won't repeat it. YOU deserve a healthy relationship, YOU deserve to be treated like you treat someone. Its out there, but not if you are wasting time on a "taker" in life. They take everything you have and give nothing in return OR give JUST enough to keep giving you a thread of hope there might be more, but there never is , they take your love, your trust, your energy, your finances, your reputation, your dignity, they will drain you dry over time until there's nothing left, emotionally and physically. Get out while you can, or get him out while you can. Run Run Run.
ReplyI suggest having a nice talk with him gently explaining everything. How you feel and stuff. Make him realise how much he means to you and hopefully u two solve it out.
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