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I am the second oldest daughter in a household of seven. I am currently in college, majoring in accounting, while balancing work from in-person and online. I'm always trying my best to help my family out with house chores with vacuuming, cleaning dishes, doing the laundry, and trying to get along with my siblings during this quarantine has been a struggle and is difficult.
I'm feel very tired and frustrated. I want to rest and pause the world for a moment of peace, to feel happy and feel like I am living. I appreciate my mother and father for all the hard work they have given to me and I want to work hard for myself and for them. I appreciate my mother for always be there for me and my father for always working hard in his job. I always remind myself to appreciate and have good thoughts about my parents.
Sometime, I feel stuck, will I be able to get a job that goes with my degree after college. I am concern for the future at the same time, I want to look at the bright side of things to look forward in the future instead of backward. I'm not scared of the future, but I feel worry.
Sometime, I feel hate toward my family, I feel hate mainly to my siblings. I have a older sister, two younger sisters and the youngest, a brother. My relationship with my siblings are not close.
My older sister by 2 years, is smart, creative, hardworking, but very cold sometimes. She gets along with all my siblings, and they like her most. She graduated college and currently still studying to become a veterinarian. She is soft-spoken. She doesn't argue much rather she avoids petty arguments and big fights all the time. She is not very talkative and tends to focus on her own things. Since, she is the oldest, she have helped out with my family more than I can say. As a result, she doesn't like helping rather she feels force to help out as the oldest. From her point of view, I understand and respect her for that. I do wish she would sometime intervene or rather speak up or even just talk to have a conversation with me. Unfortunately, I don't really get that since she has her friends and her boyfriend whom, she rather talk with. :(
My younger sister by 1 year, is a feisty, bold, outspoken, but very aggressive. She works in Pandora and is currently in college as well. She and I tend to fight a lot unfortunately because what I say and think is considered stupid and irrelevant which of course can make one angry if someone were to say that to you. I especially hate it when she can be so hypocritical which make me wants to punch her throat to shut her up. She is still immature and often uses profanities when speaking to others which I despise. I do want to get along with her, but she often comes home late from work or hanging with friends at night or next day even. She doesn't give her family time to talk at all. When she does stay home all day, she sleeps nearly over 12 hours usually staying in bed or playing video games until 7am next morning. Even though, she is very annoying as she felt the same to me, I would like to one day have a fun and happy conversation with her. :(
My other younger sister by 3 years, quiet, calm, lazy and introverted. She like to watch gamers on youtubes and reading mangas and staying home. She graduated Highschool and doesn't want to go to college and haven't work after her graduation for HS. She is very lazy and doesn't really help around the house which frustrate me. She is a very picky eater and doesn't like to interact with the family at all even though all she does is staying at home. My parents are concern with her future as she doesn't have a clear plan or any plans yet for herself. I tried to get along with her, but she finds me extremely annoying. Today, I tried talking with her, it went pretty bad. Unfortunately, she despise the fact I spoke with her and screamed to stop speaking with her. The thing is I never really had a real conversation with her since middle school. I did not argue with her and tolerated her attitude by trying to understand what she felt annoy about me. :(
My younger brother stubborn, determined, silly, and awkward. He is a senior at High school. Always hated school and homework. I mean who doesn't hate the work and the education system. He is the one I talk with the most but usually about encouraging him and teaching about school and real life stuff. He can be a handful and needs a lot of help and support. I am happy to say I taught him to help around the house and doing some house chores. He and I get along well enough to talk from time to time. :)
Myself, I can be stubborn, I am determined, I am patience, I am assertive, I sometimes have violent thoughts when I am angry. I'm always trying to develop myself to become a better me than yesterday. I teach myself manners and discipline myself. Everyday, I rethink about my actions and words how they affect other and how it made them feel. I try to correct my actions and thoughts everyday to be a good person.
I want to be able to get along with my siblings and be able to talk to them like my friends. As we are all growing older, we are slowly distancing ourselves more than ever. I want to able to connect with them like a family. I am will to change my ways to get along with them. But it is hard to even speak with them when they don't want to. I feel sadden by the fact that I can't get along with my two younger sisters and communicate more with my older sister and my younger brother.
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