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Idk whr to begin. Rn im engaged. I hv been in a relationship w my fiance for 1 year plus. But things between us are becoming overwhelming and more toxic. Im being neutral here it can be me toxic or it can be him (tho i would say him) bcs whenever we hv conflict he shuts me off. Refused to talk. Refused to see me. He would curse me say all those bad words and saying im the reason behind ALL the fights and arguments. Saying im too sensitive m, toxic and immature. I somehow feel like Im choking and cant breathe bcs i cant express my feelings if i feel hurt. I cant get mad. Never!!! He would get mad and block me everywhere refusing to talk to me ;( so rn i feel so miserable and in a dilemma should i proceed the marriage??? at the same time i dont want to hurt my parents and his parents. Idk if i am actually happy being w him. If you guys would ask why i agreed to get engaged w him its bcs he WAS NOT like this before!! I tbh regret this decision but ag the same time dont want to lose hope. Recently i got retrenched due to this stupid covid.. i live w my parents. They somehow look down on me w my current situation now.. im not asking for any sympathy but at least understand its not easy to get a new job in this current situation eventho everyday i try to look for a new one. I really try ;(( i feel so hopeless rn .. help. I can share these things to my friends, i just hate it. My circle is small. I feel like giving up w everything. I dont want to exist anymore. Im screaming insideee
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ReplyNo. I don't think you should. I could be wrong but I'm feeling a little narcissistic personality, gas lighting or sheer lack of empathy coming off this. It has only been a year of engagement. Which is still gathering dating on the person to see if they will be a good match for a marriage. I honestly don't think they are the right person for you. Your already saying it's toxic in ways, refusing to see you like being put on punishment like a child. Your already second guessing it and I think that right there is your answer. I don't see it getting better. I think this is your sign. Now about your parents. I can understand where your coming from. At 21 I married my husband to make my father happy. He is against interracial marriage. So I put my own happiness aside. I stayed married ten years and I was so very lonely. No friends. If you must for your parents I understand but I think you should go for your own happiness so you won't have a marriage just to make your parents happy where you kinda really aren't. And no it's not easy. I know.
ReplyI suggest you look up the "Wheel of power and control".
If the things in that wheel resonate with your experiences, you are most likely in an abusive relationship. If that is the case, I suggest you get help. Consider reaching out to a local women's shelter, or calling a support hotline.
I hope you can get the help you need soon.
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