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I'm tired of the pain both mentally and physically.
The pain of not having a purpose
The pain of being ridiculed and judged
The pain in my joints and my body
im just tired of fighting I don't want to fight anymore
I won't murder myself so...
God, just please take me
Please just put me out of this misery
I'm sorry
Please forgive me
For not being strong enough
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You're strong. You're still here. It means you're strong. If you weren't strong enough, God would've taken you ages ago. You have a purpose. You gotta find it.
ReplyLife is full of bad and good times. You are going through a tough time now but after every storm there is sunshine.
ReplyI don't know how long you have been in this fight, but I can imagine that you have been in the battle long enough with so many wounds building over days, years, and it feels tiring, exhausting, feeling as a burden to society without a clear purpose. You are not alone, and my heart goes out to you.
But the question is, why is life being fought for? There are many situations: provision for food, water, and shelter, seeking to be friends with others, feeling fulfilled, and for some, feeling spiritually secure. That is a question for you to answer. You have been fighting for so long for something, and though the weariness may want us to surrender, but why was the fight there? What were those things that kept us fighting? Think on these things.
If what you have arranged so far is not working, take baby steps in another direction, and get your feet wet in so many opportunities to find your life purpose. Break chains that have held you down, prove to yourself that you can fight more. Give yourself time to rest, of course, but when you're rested up, use all that energy for what you find to pursue.
As others said, you are strong enough. It may not come easily or as fast as we want it, and it'll even leave some doubt in our hearts when we pursue again and fail, whether it was "fate" deciding that our strength would have shortly faltered. Failure is a sign that something needs to change in order to make a deeper stride, and sometimes we do need to fail in order to realize what it takes to succeed. What matters is if you stand back up and take a longer stride from where you fell. I will say, it is easier said than done and it takes time to build resilience, that bounce back from a fall.
I'm not sure if you're religious, but based on what you have said, I assume you acknowledge God's existence. What if, just what if, when you extend your hand out, asking God to take you, and He takes your hand and pulls you up instead? What if He does believe that you are strong?
Just because people die doesn't mean that they're not strong. I hear it all the time, like "they lost their battle with cancer" or "they didn't make it." People die for many reasons, but it's not always that they're not strong. If you live or die, that doesn't mean you did or didn't have the potential to be strong. What matters is if you live or die genuinely for something despite all odds.
My heart goes out to you again, and I hope you hang in there to find your purpose in life.
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