Good luck to me, am I right?

I know what the problem is. I just don't know how to get help. It's my family. My parents specifically. They raised us to be dysfunctional like them. I can't talk to anyone without feeling like a burden. And even when I push pass that part, nobody can really actually listen because my trauma is just too intense for them to know how to help. My parents smothered and suffocated us to the point where we are grown adults still living in a house with them. I'm too shy and introverted to ask for assistance now. I have bad social anxiety. I fear ever applying for a job, making dentist/doctor appointments. I can't reach out to a therapist because I don't have the money, and they keep such a close eye on me that they would find out.

They're so selfish! All they do is think for themselves because "the guilt would literally kill them" even if we did bring it up, but that's still my stupid f*cked up parents and I still love them ): as broken as they are. Yet they drag us around and string us along. I'm so exhausted from trying to love people who continue to treat me like sh*t, yet I feel internally trapped with them. In fact I already have so many health problems because of them. Constipation, ulcers, other things.. We're not allowed to have feelings here, so I turned to self-harm to cope. I feel so dead inside again but I don't want to kill myself this time! ):< I'm so tired. I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYMORE! Dx I know you can't help me either, but even just sharing my feelings and HOPING that someone will someday understand and have the answers for me is always worth a shot.