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If I were to go back in time and look at myself now, who I've become. I would be so disappointed. That's an understatement, I would be devestated. I'm not a terrible person. However, I'm far from what I expected myself to be. So of my biggest problems are I'm lazy, especially lately. I'm pretty much anti social. I have a bad habit I can't seem to shake. Ive also been depressed for so long I can't even remember being happy. I spend most of my time telling myself this is it, I'm going to finally change and take initiative and start working towards being who I should be. It seems I just never can. Maybe I've become to comfortable like this. Maybe I just fear the unknown. I want to see the world. Travel to different countries. Explore. Yet, I can't even look at myself and be proud. Be content. Over the years, all I have done is think, spend time in my head. All I have found is what a dark place it is. The more I think, the darker it gets. You don't realize how precious time is, until you lve wasted a good amount of it. Or until someone you lives passes. It's weird. I've been depressed for so long. I feel as if I'm in a limbo of nothingness. I just don't really feel anything anymore. If I do it's just all negative feelings. People say it's just the way you think. Think positively for once man. My mind won't allow me. No matter how hard I try and think positively it doesn't work. I ask myself every morning, what do I have to do today to finally accept who I am? It seems no matter how much I remind myseof I fail.
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As soon as the negative thoughts come push them away so that they don't have the chance to take hold. Keep trying hard to replace them straight away with positive thoughts. Write down a list of your negative thoughts, and a list of positive ones to replace these with. That is a start. Good luck with travelling to other countries with this covid around.
ReplyWe have all felt like this at some point in life. I still often do, but the best advice I can give is instead of looking at what you are yet to achieve. Be proud of what you have already accomplished because I promise you that there are people with goals that are things you have already successfully done. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are human and things take time. Since with every success story, there are many failures that no one speaks of. So, instead be kind to yourself and remember that you are worthy, strong and such an extraordinary soul already :) x
Ps in regards to travelling, I also feel like I have so much to the world yet to see and covid will pass, so not to worry many adventures are awaiting.
ReplyJust because you're not where you thought you'd be doesnt mean youve failed, it doesn't mean you shouldnt be disappointed with where you are now. Give yourself some credit where credit is due--we are in a global pandemic and have been for the last 6/7 months. It's hard to socialize generally, but some days, its hard to even drag yourself out of bed in the morning to a world that is filled with uncertainty, bad news, and anxiety. You're allowed to feel these things, and its not abnormal to feel them whatsoever.
You may not recall a time that you were truly happy and feeling alive, but remember that you have been fighting for months to stay "okay" and just "half way there," and putting in the effort to do that when you feel like shit is SOMETHING. its worth praising because life is fucking hard right now dude.
Dont force positivity, dont rely on toxic positivity to try to thrust you through life. Feel these things in depth, let yourself be vulnerable and break down. Maybe you'll want to consider seeing a therapist? While it may sound intimidating, my experience with therapy (which may not be yours, but only you will know that) is that therapy helps to deconstruct the numbness and help you work through stuff rather than pushing it aside and feeling numb. It'll teach you that feeling things is okay, and you don't have to be happy every moment, every second of the day. Instead, it kind of teaches that you are allowed to feel unhappy, but that it wont last forever. You deserve to be happy.
ReplyMan I don’t think I’d be proud to see who I am today either man but here we are
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