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Ever since the beginning of Covid quarantine, I knew I wasn't going to be okay. I distinctly remember back in March when I started having anxiety, and I remember in April (during lock down) when I first started feeling depressed, but I figured it would pass.
6/7 months later, I've spent more time alone than I ever have in my whole life, and I see myself struggling with more than I ever have before. Spending so much time in online classes, online work, and online internships, I rarely ever formally "get ready" to go somewhere, and its made me start to feel like I'm ugly, like I can't live up to anybody's standard of beauty, and generally like I'm not good enough. I pick out small things about myself and I fixate on them, and what doesn't help is that I'm not entirely sure if my boyfriend finds me to be attractive anymore.
I'm hurting, and it sucks because I know I have made so much personal growth during my last 7 months of therapy, I KNOW THAT. I don't think about what it would be like if I wasn't here anymore. I get up with the intent to make today a better day, yet I still feel numb sometimes. I manage my anxiety, and I respond better to situations and people that make me anxious, and I allow myself to feel my feelings... but it's still hard knowing that I'm basically alone aside from my boyfriend and my best friend. I'm really just alone, and its hard to make new friends at 21 in a pandemic.
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Staying at home most of the time is getting you down because you need to socialize to bring balance to your life. This pandemic is affecting a lot of people's mental health. I assume you are in America and from the USA news there is a vaccine being brought out in a couple of weeks. So if you aren't scared of the vaccine like a lot of people are get yourself vaccinated and then you can go out as much as you want. As far as thinking you are ugly stop comparing yourself to others and just be yourself.
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