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I’m constantly torn between my desire to overeat and my desire to starve myself
Like on one hand, I love food and it’s yummy and comforting and makes me feel not hungry right? But if I’m snacking and overeating and I feel full, especially when I’m not feeling great emotionally I absolutely hate myself and I feel so fat and gross and weak.
Then being hungry gives me this sense of accomplishment and pride. I feel in control of myself. I feel thinner. I feel like my weight doesn’t matter because I’m still healthy overall and have healthy habits. And sometimes I legitimately don’t want to eat, them in really proud of myself. I also feel a little satisfaction from the self-destructive part of me. Like yeah, I’m hurting myself a little. I want to starve myself until I pass out. Not like that’s an overall goal, I’m just self destructive and want to- idk- reap the benefits of my hard work.
But I know starving myself really will wreck my body and my metabolism. Hospital bills are expensive too. And my poor family would be really upset. So I won’t do that. But also I can’t be hungry and eat at the same time and being hungry is an ongoing process and eating is a quick fix. And being hungry isn’t really unpleasant for me but also food is amazing. And I really don’t have much self control. So I’ll usually end up skipping an easy meal or something and then still eat later. And then eat a half of a family sized bag of chips the next day. It’s frustrating to not be able to choose one.
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You can see a nutritionist.
ReplyI've had that problem too, but I would constantly starve myself but would only eat a granola bar for one day. You should limit yourself to how much food you eat
Reply