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All this trouble is for not. For I knew one day my world would stop before me. Can you see the pain I bear? Can you see the tears fall through my hair as the blonde darkens through rare despair.
But I still hold hope in my heart for apart to fall apart. To put an end to this brand new start. But I still feel like I can’t breathe, the air has left me to carry you to heavens beyond the blue. And as meant to be I’ll proceed after you.
And I see images of you, laughing loud like you’d do. They come through, directly from you. And I see shades of amber gold, brightening my darkened soul. It’s how you still console me.
I can’t see or hear you now, but I have no single doubt that your watching over me. Beside me. I will never let you down. So I guess I’ll live for now and my feet will mark the ground, for you.
Come back to me. My selfish thoughts are burdening. How could I ever ask for you to leave the gardens of god for the past. To leave peace everlast for humanity’s makeshift mast. I cannot. So I’ll see you when the present and future come to pass. I miss you. I love you. Enjoy your greener grass.
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who did you lose?
ReplyMy mother killed herself when I was 16. It was really hard to accept she didn’t want to be on this earth anymore. And it made me wonder why I wasn’t something worthy enough to stay for
ReplyIt wasn't anything you did or could've done. She was suffering and fighting her own battles. It wasn't that she didn't love you or that you weren't worthy enough to stay for. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT OR RESPONSIBILITY! She couldn't take the pressure of this world, and it wasn't something you could control. My little cousin's mother killed herself in March. She's 13. I found out a few months after I had told my dad to talk to her dad about some of the suicidal things she was saying, that she was planning to end it all, that week. She told me that if I hadn't told her dad, she wouldn't be here. She said that I saved her life. Losing someone from suicide may seem like it was a choice they made to kill themselves, but I don't think that's it.
ReplyI fully agree. Suicide isn’t simple. It’s undoubtedly complex and is different for each of those afflicted by those feelings. I know it had absolutely nothing to do with me. And what could a 16 year old have truly done to help her? I never truly processed my grief for her. I put it in a box and threw that shit away. But every once in a while something escapes and finds its way to me. So I write a poem about it lol. I appreciate your commentary. I honestly didn’t expect for anyone to read these
ReplyAnytime. I think, correct me if I'm wrong, those things that "escape" are like waves and they hit hard, I think that's because you've never truly grieved your mother. I think you need to feel it.
ReplyIt may seem odd but when I lost her it felt like she never existed in my life. Like everything in my past that had to do with her was a beautiful dream that was never real. I went to counseling immediately after she died and after like 3 sessions my counselor told me I’m good to go and don’t need to continue counseling. Idk if I’m just adept at pretending I’m ok or if she’s just a shitty counselor. But I don’t think I’ve ever fully processed it although I’ve fully accepted it. I’m weird idk
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