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i grew up in a toxic family, my parents didnt want me and they made sure i knew. My sisters thought i was insignificant and told me often, my brother wish i was dead, and explicitly told me, threathend me, gave me detailed discriptions of how he wanted to murder me. on top of that from age 4-12 i was severely bullied by almost all kids i knew.
I was sick, mentally ill, kinda dumb, and not very pretty, my parents loved to compare me to my sisters. they both graduated cum laude, i barely graduated at all, because i had been sick 75% of the time, and well, corona. i went to college instead of university, a disappointment.
alltogether my parents were never proud, however hard i tried to make them. meanwhile i should have been proud of surviving that long. in all my life there had been 2 people that i knew would blink an eye if i took my own life.
when i was 14 i went to a therapist who didn't recognise my problems and tried to fix my panic attacks by causing them and make me more comfortable with the feeling.
at some point he ghosted me for a month so i wrote him a letter that i didnt trust him and to screw off and never contact me again.
when i told my doktor this story a year later they called a therapist and basically forced me to go there. i was diagnosed with complex ptsd, generalized anxiety, persistent depression with suicidal complaints and signs of autism. She treated me well, and with respect. first we tackled the suicidal thoughts, then the panic attacks, the the trauma. mostly with cbt and emdr. i also got medication. the effects became visible very soon and although im not quite there yet, i moved out, far away from people and locational triggers, i learned a lot, and i go without therapy now. ill probably never be ok, but i want to live again, i have dreams again, i know what i want for my future, i want a future.
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I am so pleased to hear this. Never give up.
ReplyThis is a great story, thank you for giving hope to those of us who are trying to get free.
ReplySo happy you made it out, that's so amazing :D
ReplyOMG legitimacy am so impressed. A whole year is amazing. I am trying to get there my self and I cant fathom that
Reply