I feel lonely and out of it...

3 years ago · 2 · Lonely, +6

520

There. The title sums it up, so you don't have to read this long mess. If you want to, you can ignore this. I'm just venting I guess.

Anyways.

Ever since I was little, I've been is some way or another, alone: I never had an easy time making friends, and when I had the chance to, I would scare them away because I was to clingy, afraid to lose them. Ironic, isn't it?

I have a big family, and while playing and talking with them is nice, it always felt like something separated us, made us different. I am the odd one's out if I can say that.

What I'm trying to say is basically, I've always, always, always felt this way. It's a constant feeling that I try to push back but always comes back, stronger.

I feel like I'm losing all connection with reality. Every time, whenever something is ordinary, this feeling of dread comes. "This is all a dream" "How are you sure this is real" "You worked so hard for something that doesn't exist" "You're going to wake up soon". I feel like soon I won't be able to differentiate between my dreams and my reality.

The friend I managed to make seems distant nowadays too, so that doesn't help (I know I'm probably overthinking this, but I can't help myself).

I tried talking about this to people, but they don't understand how to help me at all. No one does.

I'm scared.

I'm really, really scared and I don't know why.

When good things happen, I feel like bad, worse than before things are bound to come.

I feel so alone in this world. I want to feel loved but I push everyone away. I build up walls and walls and I don't know how to take them down.

I don't want to burden anyone.

I know that's not how they see it. I know because I don't see it that way either. But whenever I open up, I instantly regret it. I feel as if I messed up. I was never one for permanent decisions. The idea of something being permanent terrifies me.

I always am daydreaming to ignore these feelings. I imagine a better world, life, where I can be carefree without overthinking anything. Must be the reason why I consume so much media. It's nice to escape.

I want someone to understand me.

I feel like I'm overreacting and overthinking, even though I know that's not the case.

I know.

But I can't help myself.

I feel like I'm always ignored and pushed aside. A second thought.

I just feel so alone.

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jody · 3 years ago
see let me tell you something
feeling lonely is the worst feeling in the world
it's my biggest fear
whenever i feel lonely i am at the bottom as well
but see you will make friends
you just have to walk up to people
i am gonna talk to you about the last friend i got about two weeks ago and how close we're right now because of how much we can relate to each other
(story time: see i was walking i saw a couple of my friends on my left i was going to them and you know talk and stuff but then i noticed this guy that i have seen a lot of times and he was always alone and i thought to myself i can be nice and just go and introduce myself, but then i was like i really dont want to tho, so i went two steps closer to my friends but again i thought like bro it will take two seconds and then i can go back to my friends (me being an ambivert this all happened inside my head) anyways i went up to him and we talked for half an hour and he was such a great person and we are really close now( see my point is that there are people that you will like and they'll like you back you just have try))
i know this is kinda long but i am trying my best to share what i have i might be of help
and the part when you said they don't understand you imma tell you one thing
(they don't have to understand you they just have to listen and that's what matters, we just wanna spit everything out because i am telling you right now, no one fully understands anyone, we all have those things that we can't talk about but what matter is that they listen and they don't change the subject about themselves and that's what most matters)
and when you said you put burden on them, well man i am there as well but as you said it's not really true, if someone is burdened by you talking about your feelings well then f that person am i right, i really have no one to talk to as well but it's okay, and i am taking steps to get out of it( i mean so i can have someone that i rant everything to them) i tried with small stuff and little things and little feelings so you start with that as well until we can find the right person who can really listen to us,, start by sharing good feelings as well that might very well help .
the part you talked about dreams and reality ( this is all real, you are real, so dont worry and live your life, life is really hard but doesnt mean that you cant be happy. be happy live the moment listen to other people as well so they can listen to you and you are all good to go.)
and you can solve all of this by getting closer to god, it really works
but first you have to belive it will work.
one last thing when you said you always get out stronger
bro that't it
life is all about that
just dont lose hope
the moment you lose hope is the moment you lose the game of life
i really hope that i helped you in someway and have a great day HUMAN
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jody · 3 years ago
and plus i forgot for your family
it's okay we alll feel that way
but never stop loving them
they are the only one who are going to really stand up for you
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