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im slipping again... im slipping back into the same old routine, wake up around one in the afternoon, watch youtube on my phone, overthink, forget to eat or to shower, never get up from my bed, uh self harm, and cry myself to sleep at 4 in the morning. i feel drained although ive done nothing. i feel like a burden to everyone and i feel like no one loves me unless they're in a good mood. ive been bottling up my emotions because i hate the way they make me feel. i know its not a good thing i just tend to annoy people when im upset and i dont want them to hate me more than they already do. every song i listen to makes me cry. ive just become an empty shell of what i used to be and im waiting for someone to fill me back up but im afraid it'll never happen. im always on the verge of tears it feels, though i cant cry. i wont let myself cry because it hurts so much. crying used to feel good but now its just painful so so painful.
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What kind of videos you watch...may be You are watching something you are fond of... Find something which interest you....and try do something new.... For eg: if you tend to binge watch cooking videos , try cooking some food your own .. likewise ....try to find yourself....try to love yourself.... Only unless you start to love yourself , you can see others love..
You may not find any sense in those if you are clinically depressed or some other medically,,, so if you are feeling helpless,,,, seek help......with love (I mean it )
Replythank you, it really means a lot that you even commented. i have tried seeking help, but its hard since my dad wont let me go to therapy. my mom wants me to its just my dad would probably try to take me away from her if he found out i was going to therapy. i really think therapy would help. i feel like im only happy if we go somewhere out of the house like shopping or whatever. but we rarely do that ever and if we do something always has to kill the mood.
ReplyHey! I feel u.. I have been there and I know what u must be feeling.. it's a phase where everything and everyone seems to be distant even if it's not.. what helped me( and continues to) is just identify what things YOU like to do. It might be little things like eating cake, or noodles, it can be watching a movie that u loved when u were a kid.. do anything that does not require u anyone's company. I know it's a cliche thing to say, but LOVE YOURSELF FIRST, only then u can see love for u in other people's eyes. Trust me when I was going thru this phase in my life, I thought EVERYONE hated me(including my family) but that's not true. Until and unless u take care of urself and love urself, reward urself for doing little things like getting up 1 hour prior to the usual( I hope u get me) . But get up from that bed.. it's not a happy place to be really.. just try n be outgoing( even if u have to go alone). Please take care of urself. :) U will notice everything will fall into its place once u decide to be happy.. :)
ReplyHow old are you if you don't mind?
Replyuh eek 14
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