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I feel so overwhelmed.
I know I've completed the work I need to do to the best of my ability. Yet, I still feel like I'm drowning in work. Sometimes I'm surrounded by a sort of . . . . fog. It's not real. I know it isn't. Yet it's there, it prevents me from doing anything, I mean, I still do things, but it's as if I'm no longer in control of myself.
I know for some people, breathing helps, sometimes it helps for me, but most of the time I can feel my emotions, the scared ones, the sad ones, all the ones I've been pushing into a bottle, hoping it doesn't explode.
I will sometimes get glimpses of myself, as if there was a camera. Even when there wasn't.
When I'm not distracted, it's hard for me to stay still, I sorta need to bounce. I don't have too, but it helps. My mind is always on. Moving from one thing to the next, almost as if it all ready had a path, and it just follows.
I can't fall asleep, and if I do, I sleep for way to long.
I've never really had anything traumatic happen to me. I have no reason to feel this way. It's unfair of me to allow this to happen.
I'd created a mask, trying to prevent others in my life, those I care about, trying to make it so they don't have to deal with it. No, I was always the happy girl. After a while, I stopped trying to break the wall. Now I can't break the wall. The walls work so well to hide my pain, to hide the broken girl.
But I'm starting to crack. I don't know how much more of this I can take, I don't know how long I can keep pretending to be the happy social butterfly they love.
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This sounds as though you are burnt out and need a long rest.
ReplyIt sounds like you have a hard time saying no to others, and because of that you end up with too much on your plate and trying to pretend you are who you think they want you to be. Try telling people how you really feel. If they don't like it, well, maybe they don't deserve to be in your life anyway.
Reply