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I have been cutting, I can't recognize myself. My grades have gone down. I failed this semester and made my mom think of me as a stupid useless kid. I think my teachers might hate me. I hate my body, it feels so heavy and looks ugly. It's tiring to be alive and be expected to be a role model. "is this what you want your little sister to be like". I wish I could apologize to my mom for how much of a bad daughter I have become. My mood swings have been getting worse, my paranoia too. What is so wrong with me? Why can't I seem to be improving. Will the moon keep me warm at night. Will the moon keep hearing my sobs htrought the night as I hurt myself. Lately the only thing I can picture myself doing is just trying to get out of this body. I have been starving myself because the taste of food is not enough. The numbness just keeps getting bigger and bigger, it expands til it crushes me and I feel nothing. No feelings nor emottios. It might be a good thing but it feels like I am silently drowning. I think my mom is getting fed up with me. We fight constantly over the little things. I start all the fight. When I see her she i have this feeling of attachment yet hatred to her. I love her yet I despised her. I constantly have one question in my mind. Does she love me? if she did wwhy does she make me cry, and panic. Why does she makes me scream and go numb and tells me that I'll thank her later. I thought that having a mom for the first time in ages would be being loved. I only know her for 6 years, but I can't put all the blame on her. This is my foult. if only I tried hard enough I woun't be sincking in such dark depths.
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