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This isn't a suicidal post. I have 0 interest in dying. I had 2 heart attacks nearly 3 years ago and I fight every day to survive. I take my meds and track my heart. I've been in the hospital 3 times since, fighting each time to get better to come home because my kitty needed me.
I have also been battling depression but with COVID-19, it's been hard to get the help I need.
3 weeks ago, my cat of 16 years passed away. I live alone so she was the only other life under my roof with me. I really miss her so much.
After she passed, I had the realization that I have nothing to fight for. I have no one that needs me to keep fighting.
I have a brother who has a wife and child. He's my best friend, but he doesn't need me.
I have a father who I barely talk to. He also doesn't need me.
I don't have any close friends who need me.
I don't want to die but I don't have anything left to fight for. I'd lay in bed at night, missing my kitty, and I'd just start to shallowly breathe, daring a higher power to finally just take me away.
39 years old. It's not a long life but it isn't short. Just doesn't feel very good to just give up.
Time to take my heart medication. I don't want to die over night because I didn't take my meds.
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Please take care... You need to fight for me and take your meds and DO NOT lose hope on life, because I'm still left and you've got to fight for me.
ReplyGet yourself another cat, or even a dog.
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