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I had a fight with my mom. I'm 15 in 9th grade and covid is going on so school has been stressful. I do online school till 10th grade. I also have a rare disease and it causes chronic pain and other problems I'm always in pain and I'm always sick in some way. My mom is a nurse and everyday she reminds me and says "Your sleep schedule is off fix it." I finally got tired of it and said "I know I've been trying to fix it you don't need to keep reminding me" and she always says "apparently I do because YOU don't understand." she walked off and came back later into my room and said. "I need to talk and I'm not asking." she went off about how I'm always in my room and said I don't care about anyone but myself and that I'll NEVER make it into the real world and that I'm wasting away. She kept saying I'm the only obstacle in my life and nobody cares if I look good or not. She went off about all the things I do wrong so eventually I kept saying "okay." lightly multiple times. She eventually got tired of it and while walking out of my room and slammed a metal pen on my desk. She said "You keep saying okay and never listen you don't understand." while yelling. I said "I do understand" and went on the list of what she said. She walked off and I just felt like crying. She wonders why I never talk to her and it's because when she tells me I'll never make it into the real world or a whole list of the things I do wrong it just reminds me what a failure I am. I care what other people think I look like. It's always like a little voice in my head saying I can't eat this or how skinny I need to be and all my imperfections and I get so much anxiety when I don't look presentable. Whenever I try talking to her about it she just doesn't get it. She keeps saying if I do things and go out "I'll get better." she has arthritis got diagnosed young and always tells me how she still and went and did things. I try to explain my rare disease isn't the same and that I'm constantly in pain not just in my hands but all over my body and It doesn't get better for anyone with my disease. Just going outside won't magically fix anything. I don't know what to do and at this point I feel like she'd be better without me because she doesn't deserve a disrespectful daughter.
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Short version: what you're going through is sucky and normal... you're dealing with HARD stuff (pandemic, chronic pain, rare disease) on top of being at an age when many (most?) moms and daughters really struggle... and your mom is dealing with it too. Day to day may be hard, but I bet you both love each other a lot even though the struggle for independence and all the rest makes it harder to access that feeling. Try to be gentle with each other and give space when you can, and connect with other people who can relate to what you're going through and are having similar challenges--it makes a difference. Also there are a ton of really good YA novels that might be comforting.
Hope this helps a bit.
ReplyWow. She sounds like the kind of person that would say “You’re drowning? Well, just choose to breathe!”
Sometimes, there’s no getting through to people. And it absolutely sucks. You’ve tried to explain, but she refuses to listen.
I’m not sure there’s any getting through to her. However, there are people going through similar things. If you need to vent or need someone to talk to, then I would try Reddit. Specifically the subreddits r/insaneparents and r/chronicpain
I hope this helped at all. 💙
ReplyAs a younger person that is dealing with chronic pain I understand a bit of how you feel. I'm I bit older than you but also feel at times when I say I'm in pain and can't do something, or don't have the energy to leave the house some days, it's not taken very seriously. Maybe it's a mixture of the time they were born in and how they viewed girls then, but I often get the same from my mom. It was suggested to me by a therapist to try writing how you feel in letter from. And when it's written you make the choice if you feel comfortable with her reading it. If you don't torch it, it's more for you than for her.
I hope this helps you - Q
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