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I am tired of crying alone. I have tried all my life to be the good girl. For my family, I became more rigid, I trusted no one. And now I look back on my life of unseen tears I wonder if it was worth it. If I should have played around with boy, tried drugs, if I should have taken care of my brother, or go above and beyond to help my sister. All with no expectation for it to be repaid. And now that I am down I feel alone. No one to tell me it's not my fault, no one I can let see me cry. I am expected to be stable and deal with how I feel. Being told I am being to emotional at the first sign I am not happy. But now I am broken both mentally and physically and could not leave and go my own way if I tried. I have been suicidal in the past and I don't want to go back to that. But if my reason for living is my family it makes me start to wonder if that's enough of a reason anymore. I don't want a lot someone I feel like is on my side, to know it's not me.
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Hey. I don’t know how helpful this will be, but I want to let you know that you are seen, and you are heard.
It’s hard, when you feel like you have to put on a mask for everyone. When the slightest negative emotion is seen as making a big deal out of nothing. Well, screw that. Human existence is making a big deal out of nothing. Maybe others have it worse, but that doesn’t make your pain any less real.
It sounds like you want to find help, and posting here is a good place to start. I would also suggest trying other online communities like Reddit or Tumblr. Also, if you need therapy, there’s nothing shameful about that.
Finally, if you just need something to use to check in on yourself or cheer you up, here’s a link to a list that I always find really helpful. https://comfortpack.carrd.co/
I hope this helped at all. 💙
ReplyHey I'm not the original poster but I really appreciate that link - thanks!
ReplyThank you! I stumbled across it in Tumblr, and I wanted to share it. I’m glad you found it helpful!
ReplyBe you, do you, for you. Find things that you enjoy doing, it really helps :)
Reply