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Idk if anyone will see this,
but I'm a teen girl and this past year has been really hard on me. And the online school omg, I can't stand it. For some back story, I have a step mom who has been around for half of my life, and my dad. Me and my step mom argue over everything every single day. As a matter of fact she thinks I'm writing an essay for school rn.
(problem with being at home always) I can't stand not being in school and they stopped paying my phone, so I only talk to my two friends through my ps4. Oh wait, I'm always grounded from that as well. My two friends are the only ones who stuck around through all of this. They are both guys, and my parents don't like that. Also Im straight, and my mom thinks I'm gay JUST BECAUSE I DON'T FLIRT WITH MY BEST FRIENDS. I- like why would I, we are friends and my parents can't accept that. It would be completely different if it was a girl.
(problem with boundaries) I have cameras in my room and I didn't even do anything to deserve them. They just randomly put it in there. Daily phone searches when I had it. Backpack searches when I went to school. Door and window alarms. And I swear I didn't even do anything.
(problem with online school) I'm struggling in online school. And I'm usually an A-b student. I have c's and b's this year. And both of my parents are always like "Well if i had the option to finish graduating whenever I want I would have graduated in the 6th grade" Bruh I'm not you and you have never had to do school from 6am to 3:30 pm. On a computer not allowed to get up for more than 5 min. to use the bathroom or make food. It hurts my eyes and gives me a headache.
(problem #1 with mom) Oh and remember when I said I get off at 3 and cant be off for more than 5 min? Yeah my mom gets home at 9am and expects the house to be clean. But it was her rule that I can't be up for more than 5 min.
(Problem with anxiety) Yeah. I have anxiety I think, I'm not diagnosed, but they wont take me to make sure. I get anxious when she gets home and when shes around me. I chew my nails until they bleed, I chem the inside of my mouth untill its bleeding and leaves sores. I actually had to go to the hospital once because I had chewed it so much that it got infected, and I had a huge lump under my jaw. see last paragraph.
(problem with being grounded)Also video games are my escape. And that's what they always take away. Once I was already grounded from all electronics, and they made me wear the clothes I didn't like to school. I got made fun of. This was in sixth grade. I think it was 3 size to big boot-cut maroon jeans, and this fruity my little pony shirt that I hated. Who does that. All she does is complain about me as well so.
(Problem with my dogs) We have two pit bulls and they are honestly everything to me. My mom yells at me because she says that I have nothing to do with them and that I never play with them. But I do, just not when she is home because I feel like she's going to judge me for running around with them. She's the type that would say " Well you never play with them any other time why now" She always says she is going to put them in a box on the side of the road if I don't behave. That's wrong on so many levels. And my brother never helps with them all he does is play video games. Gets away with it.
(problem with mom #2)I don't like sports. Or being outside really. But that's how most teens are. Like I'm sorry I didn't grow up with only a house phone and books like they did. I'm not a huge fan of books either, books are my mom's life and she buys me them for like every holiday knowing I'm not going to read them. Then she gets mad I don't read them and says that "i'm wasting her money"
(problem with controlling)They are so worried about my grades and I'm not sure why. I have gotten honor roll every year. But I'm not worried about this year and I don't think collage is either. Its 2020-2021 and it has been the worst year in a while.
(Problem with mom #3) She always threatens to send me away. Or says I'm going to make her leave one day. She wanted to send me to fking military school just because 𝐈 𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐓 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐍. I can't make this stuff up. Update. Also she said yesterday that I was the reason she wanted to check herself into an asylum. To be honest bye, idc leave lol. Actually I dare you. Leave. Also she does this allot.
(problem with mom #4) She is my step mom so I did not come from her. And my two siblings did. So obviously I'm treated different. Here's how it works; I was my dad's. My little brother was her's. And they came together and had my sister.
(problem with mom #5) Empty promises. Omg. She will say that she is going to take us for ice cream if we get good grades and we do then she says next weekend because shes broke. Then next weekend comes and I'll ask, then she gets mad that I asked and we don't go. It will be like Sunday and I'll ask at 5pm when I know she forgot. I was supposed to get my nails done a month before Christmas for babysitting my siblings and not being able to do anything or go anywhere all year. Never happened. First she moved the date because the nail lady was full. Then the next time only my mom got her's done and it was already like 9pm. Then the next time she was broke. Then the next time she was too tired. You get it.
(Problem with mom #6) Ill be taking a bath or shower or CHANGING in the bathroom and she will unlock the door and walk in and be like "wth are you doing" Then I'll be like "I'm changing can you leave please?" Then she says no because "It's her house and she goes where she wants" Then she will sit there just despite what I said.
(Problem with mom #7) "Bedtime." I don't know anyone my age that has a "bedtime" And if they do its not 8:30. All electronics off at 8:30 must be in bed. I dont go to sleep until 10. Because I can't. Funny thing tho is that my 5 year old sister pulls all-nighters and watches Youtube all night and doesn't get in trouble. If I did that I would be grounded from life.
(Denied me help) Also what I wanted to say that I asked for some kind of supplament (idk how to spell it) or medication for my anxiety or whatever, and they said no. They denied me help and I asked that as a test. I wanted to see kinda how they would react if I asked to go to therapy. My step mom has driven me to the point of wanting therapy. How do I ask. I could ask my dad but he will tell my mom because he tells her everything. Then she would come home when he is not home and confront me about it, then I would crawl back into my box and never spill my feelings to them again. It would not be a nice confronting either.
----------------------------Part three
I hate her. I watch Psych2go on YT and according to them, signs of teen depression is always being in a mood, (I get mad at my sister for literally laughing.) And that's just one thing. I'm always upset and angry with the world. And your grades drop. I went from all A's and B's to C's and D's. I blame online school. Also your sleep is messed up. I used to be asleep by 8 because of my mom's "bedtime", now at least 11 because I can't stop thinking. My head is so full with thoughts on how to run, how to just leave, how to escape her, them I jump into reality and realize I'm never going to be able to. Also you don't enjoy what you used to. My whole life, I have worked toward one goal. Becoming a vet. I love animals, and I have never changed my mind on what I have wanted to be. Now, I really don't even care. And that's sad because it's what I've always wanted to do. I always feel lonely. But the thing is, I don't feel like being around people. It makes me nervous. Always making myself busy. I can't stop doing something because it makes me think I'm going to be yelled at for relaxing. Also gaining or loosing weight. I've gained 10 pounds since march last year. And not because I'm growing. My mom makes rude comments about it as well.
We were talking about how everyone in my house has gained a bit and she said out loud, HAHAH NOT AS MUCH AS (my name) I cried. And I'm not even in bad shape I'm healthy and I was happy with my body. Now I'm not. I sacrifice my happiness to please them. I even tried not eating as much and throwing up the rest. Then one of my friends had a talk with me. I love him. As a friend. And my parents ground me so much, that I never get to talk to him.
She says "you always act like I owe you something when all I owe you is a roof food and clothes" I hope she finds this. Mom I hope you find this. I hope you and my dad get a divorce. And I hope I never have to see you again. You fcking snake. heres the link to that channel btw.
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This is abuse, I'm so sorry. Everything she does to you is wrong. Like literally everything you mentioned here. She doesn't deserve to raise anyone, let alone someone that's not even a legal adult yet.
ReplyIf this is real I'd try to get the hell out of that house. Can't you live with a relative or tell them what is going on? It's not only abuse but Sounds like she's literally keeping you prisoner. Yes you probably do have anxiety and depression. I'd be more angry than anything. Call CPS if you have to. That's just not right.
ReplyI really don't have any. All of them that are alive are on her side. And I really want to tell my dad but I just cant. I don't know why I just can't. I'm wanting to get a job when they let me and then I'm leaving. I'm gonna explain to them why I hated my whole childhood as well. They will hear every story. I can't wait, I just wan't to be free.
ReplyOh my god. I feel the same way you do emotionally. I watch Psych2go too! My bedtime is also 8:30. I always get so mad at my siblings. My brother just came in a few minutes ago and started like moving his feet around the floor and I got extremely mad at him. And I hide my feelings from my family too because I know I will get judged. I can't go to sleep until like 2 am or sometimes I don't sleep. I also have a ps4 and my guy friend id the only one who really understands me. It makes me sad because I can only play on it when I'm at my dads. I only go there every other weekend. And if my mom sees me on electronics she will get mad and say to get off or ground me from it. It's like I never really get my own space and like I'm smothered. But then on the other hand I'm alone. I've took so many anxiety and depression tests and they always come out severe and stuff. I'm just tired of my fcked up life. I haven't felt pure happiness in four years. It's a little settling to know that I'm not the only one going through a hard time like this. Oh and my siblings always call me out for playing with my guy friend all the time and keep saying that I like him but I don't. Like what's so wrong with playing with him. I don't like him just because he's a boy. It's exactly like playing with my other friends that are girls. So if my friend was a girl would they think I was lesbian? That shits so annoying. I'm straight I just don't him..like whats so wrong?? My grades are dropping a lot too. I used to be an all A's student but now I'm makes B's and C's. Mom is getting mad at me but like its not my fault online school isn't teaching us shit. Anyways ik Iḿ a stranger but just know that your not alone and that I love you <3
ReplySounds like were the same person. My parents and siblings also say I like my guy friend. Gets old :')
ReplyIkr, they also try to say weird things to him. Like my brother: "...Sooo hows your relationship going with my sister?" Bruh I-
Replyim so sorry that's so wrong and she's being absuive. Maybe try to have very serious talk with your dad about this, what she does how she makes you feel although I know that might not work depending on his relationship with your step mom. Consider getting outside help from a school councilor possibly or even CPS.
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