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Im 22 and I literally feel like I'm dying. I feel as if the entire world is moving, but I'm not. I'm stuck. I have zero friends. Have never had a relationship. I don't currently have a job. I want so badly to just pick up move somewhere far from here and start over. I don't have the money though. Or really the motivation. I have suffered from depression most of my life. I am numb to happiness. If happiness punched me in the face I wouldn't feel it. It's like the emotion is vacant from my mind. I can't remember a time I smiled other than for a picture and even most of those smiles were very painful. Ive spent the past 7 years of my life feeling down. 7 years of having hope one day things will change. One day things will just fall into place. Man was I totally wrong. I'm at the point where I can care less how things turn out. Really besides my life and my virginity I have nothing to lose. I'm getting worried about my own mental health. Thinking about everything I've endured, I'm not even sure how I managed this long. It's like my mind is in autopilot mode. I'm just surviving. I'm not actually living my life. There is not much I enjoy doing anymore. I can't fall asleep at a decent time anymore I wake up and half the day is over. I look at myself after a shower and I just hate what I see. it's pathetic. I just feel helpless. I don't know what to do anymore. If this goes on another year I don't think I will make it.
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Ur not useless. Always remember that. Everyone’s life goes at a difference pace and trust me I feel the same way and feel stuck and just wish I could pause everyone else so I can catch up. But the truth is we each have our lives we have our own plans and you have yours you might not have figured it out but you do and I’m sure you will soon. Please reach out to someone who can help you and your mental health. You can get through this and you can make it another year and many more. You got this! You are so strong and you’re so young don’t give up! I believe in you!!
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