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Hello, I’m 21 years old, I work 6 days a week and I’m in deep drepression. I don’t know where to start. I have a boyfriend who I really love and somehow I still get sensitive over things that had happened with my ex from like 2 years ago. Like, I feel like my experience with my ex scarred me into my insecurities. I can’t seem to shake him off my head when something offends me because he carved so much crap into my head that I can’t seem to forget about it. I’m over him. I strongly dislike him because he hurt me. I let a guy take the best of me and I became so careless about myself. I don’t even go to college anymore. I can’t think straight about what I want to do with my life. I try hard to think but I can’t seem to find anything for myself. Every morning I wake up tired of waking up. I have so many ideas and so much I want to do but I don’t have the motivation for it and I hate myself for that. I hate the way I think. I wish I was like other people, ya know? Strong and positive minded. I wish I didn’t get social anxiety or just anxiety from ordering food or asking a simple question. I wish I was more confident. I wish I was able to express my feelings towards my bf when he asks me what’s wrong. He’s so patient with me, I swear. But I’m tired of waking up. I’m tired of just being me. Why do people like me exist? I hate to live.
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At your core you are perfect but your thinking is overwhelming you. Awareness of and being present with the experience of life that is happening this instant is what really matters. Less important are the labels, descriptions , and details that make up your 'story'. Thinking, comparing this with that, is just what we all do. However, only helpful thoughts are worth further consideration. The others should be observed without judgment until they drift away into the void. Check out Aaron Abke on youtube. You will be OK.
ReplyRegarding social anxiety, all I can say is that you have to work through it. It took me years of trying and failing, to get to the point I am at today. At the moment I have good days and bad days. Sometimes I have no motivation, no will to live but I let myself take times to go through it. I allow myself a few days to regain energy, do the things that help me relax. Doing this sometimes helps me bounce back in a great way. Sometimes it doesn't work. You have to remember that you are allowed to feel the way you do. You are human, you have feelings. Showing those feelings doesn't mean you aren't strong and positive minded. Okay, you get anxious, okay you have depression. It's not a crime. Try not to look at other people and think that you wish that you could be like them. Everyone has their own problems, some more or less severe than your own.
All I can advise is to seek help. Talk about it to a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, anyone that can help you go through what you're going through. Please don't be afraid to speak out. You're voice matters. You have value. You are worth every breath. You are strong.
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