Let's be lethargic!

3 and a half days left. That's how long I've got to start tossing out everything that needs to be tossed and bagging everything that can be bagged and carried. Because we have to move.

I find myself still in the same, exact mentality that I've always been in. I just don't want to do the work. That's what it boils down to.

Sure, I have my reasons for not wanting to do the work. But that's the real killer, ain't it. Reasons, excuses.

The deadline has approached slow enough for me to have reasonably gotten some work done. Same story with the rest of my life. It's always been this refusal to put in the work.

That's why so many faces are lost to me. It's why I've lost the connections I valued the most. This is what you get when you suffer from the most severe forms of depression.

But we all know the truth here, I can't blame all my problems on my depression. I just don't want anything from this world anymore. I just want to leave this existence, that's all.

I go to sleep almost every night hoping to not wake up. Because I'm just so tired of it. I'm tired of being this thing. I'm tired of missing out. I'm tired of losing connection. I'm tired of the grand failure that is my life.

I just want out.

I just want to be free from this overwhelming pain and regret.

Sad thing is, I know there are others out there who are like me.

You can't love a creature like me, because i will always and inevitably let you down.

The circle is getting clearer and the epiphany is as obvious as daylight.

Maybe doing this, knowing the causes, might break me out. Though I doubt it, because I won't lie to myself.

I don't want anything from your world, I know I'd never get what I need or want anyway so there's truly no point.

Doesn't matter if it's these walls or new walls, so long as it's walls. More empty space to stare into nothing. Waiting for the clock to run out.

It's too cold

It's too icy

There's just to much to be done

I don't have the energy

I've never had the energy

I don't care about your world

I don't care about this existence

I just want out

Please, just let me out

You'll have to be the one to end me

Because I can't do it myself

So please, do me the highest favor you can

If you truly care, if you actually love me...

Kill me