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When I sit in my bed at night thinking about killing myself, the only thing holding me back is the pain I will put my loved ones through... I never want anybody to feel it was their fault, because it was my fault nobody's else's. My little sister is 3 years younger than me and she is one of the best gifts life has to offer, she's so pure and sweet, I hope she never turns out like me. How can I warn her how shitty life is going to be because it can go from being so good to being so bad within minutes. When I was her age I never imagined myself like this, I had imagined some really popular girl with a boyfriend that was super happy. Would it really be selfish for me to end the pain? would people really care that much? because I am slowly dying but nobody knows, I wish they could see how much pain I'm in but they will never know because I am so good at hiding it. When I pray at night I ask God to have me die in my sleep or get some disease, I know I'm an awful person for that but deep down it's what I want. So let me ask you does it get better? does it really get better? because if it doesn't I'm not sure how long I can hold on for, I don't think I can handle any more
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Hey there, I know exactly what you're going through, your writing really touched me. As having game through the same thing, I can say that IT DOES GET BETTER. You are an amazing person, no matter what. As for your sister, I would just make sure she knows that you are there for her no matter what, and that she can depend on you. I try to make sure my little sister knows this, because though siblings might fight a lot, in the end it's the strongest, most meaningful relationship you can have. Your sister needs you, and as long as she has you, everything will be okay. Just know that you are loved, by your sister, by your parents, by me, and yes, people would really care that much if something happened to you. Someone in my school committed suicide, and even the people who didn't know them were affected by their death. When someone dies, often everyone blames themself for the death, even in the most unreasonable ways. Please don't do this to yourself, because there is a light at the end of the tunnel, you are needed and loved, I promise it gets better. Don't give up now, just keep on keeping on (I know it's easier said than done, but please hear me out). I am here for you, please know that. I would give you my phone number or something if you want, but then anyone could take it so :/
but anyway, best of luck! You can do it, I know you can. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
-Mia
Replythank you so much Mia! reading comments like this truly touch my heart, it's also good to know that people understand what I am going through... thank you.
xoxo
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