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i kept thinking my significant other didnt want me around and that he regrets being with me but yesterday he told me the most sweetest thing ever. but with the affection, came a really strong reaction. after we hung up the call, i felt like throwing up and my stomach turned upside down. i felt so good yet so bad. i felt love and disgust. why do i feel disgusting every time i receive affection? i feel like throwing up and crying every time someone says something sweet to me. he told me i deserved the world and i felt like crying of joy and yet i felt like dying. (for background: ive been through severe abuse from my parents and have bad trauma) is there something wrong with me? arent i supposed to feel good when someone shows me affection?s
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I dont have an advice but i wish you overcome that , hopefully someone gives some advice ❤️
ReplyYes you are and you are having a negative reaction to it.
ReplyI think you get scared he'll leave and that you confuse affection between manipulation. What I mean by this is I'm assuming your abusive parents are narcissists so whenever they manipulated you and made it feel like affection they'd come back and bite back and hurt you or your feelings. That's just me assuming I'm so sorry if I'm wrong. I think you might be scared because you might need reassurance once in a while so whenever you're reassured by nice words you might get scared they'll still leave hence the feeling good but bad. I think you need to talk to your SO often about these feelings and maybe go to therapy or do yoga or positive things to remember you are worth so much more than you might think. You just need reassurance and that's okay because I need it quite often too. Again I'm just assuming off of what I'm reading so I'm so sorry if I'm wrong <3
ReplyI am not the author of this post but thank you for these words. I don't have severe reaction to affection like the OP but I do tend to think I don't deserve the love my boyfriend gives me and your comment makes me understand why from my past abuse in school <3 Thank you again, I hope both the OP and I can overcome this and understand that our significant others are here to stay with us :)
ReplyI cannot answer for you but I can give myself as an example and hope you might relate.
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I had a toxic relationship with my step-mother. When someone I cared about complimented me or did something nice I felt disgusted with myself and didn’t like the feeling. I didn’t understand why exactly and I guess I still fully don’t but I think a lot of it comes down to me believing I was undeserving of the love. Therefore I deep down believed I shouldn’t get it. The reason you believe you are undeserving could be due to self hatred, high expectations for yourself that you don’t believe you are reaching and that you aren’t doing enough for the person to deserve it. Deep down, believing you are not worthy of the love so when you receive it, it makes you feel guilty, disgusted even. For me it is a lot better now because of developing the feeling of self worth, that I deserve love and shouldn’t feel guilty for receiving it.
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I hope this helped. :)
Replyinteresting, i am not in a right position to give advice, just here hoping you'll find the answer to this.
Replyit is you who thinks like that...if you would think you deserve anything, you would feel happy and vice verse...IT IS U WHO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TWO; happiness or saddness
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