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I really want to use laxatives right now, but I am fighting the urge because I don't want to fuel my eating disorder. I am almost three weeks clean of using laxatives after struggling with abusing them for about three years. My greatest trigger is bloating. When I feel bloated, I feel so disgusted with myself and down at the same time. It may seem stupid, but my mind has been stuck in this eating disorder thinking for seven years or more. It started around twelve. Anyway, laxatives became addicting not only because they helped me feel thin, but also because they were comforting to me. Eating makes me feel out of control; laxatives made me feel like there was control (even if that wasn't true). So right now, I feel gross and a little anxious, but it's gonna pass, probably overnight. I am just gonna write here, listen to music, jump around a little to digest, drink lots of water, and chill in my cozy bed without trying to be mean to myself. I am changing. I am resisting. I am healing.
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Keep resisting!❤ Im proud of you!
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