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Where do I start?
I just got home.
Am I ready to be home?
...no...
I have no choice but to be ready.
I can’t just hide all my life.
But… but what if I don’t want one.
But I do,
I don’t understand my head.
I’m scared.
I’m not ready.
But I’ll never be ready I just got to do.
I have to be ok.
Why does being home hurt?
Right, when I got in the car with my mom I wanted to cry but why?
She loves me everyone in my family does.
So why do I feel this way?
No, I can’t tell my mom she won’t understand.
I can’t go back.
Who can I talk to?
Me?
You know your not supposed to.
You know what happens when you do.
So why is it so hard?
If I know what I need to do why can’t I do it?
Don’t cry.
You cant cry right now.
I don’t know what to do.
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not sure what it is your scared of doing you feel you need to do. I also have no idea what your mental diagnosis may be. However, feeling like you hate your house when you live with someone who stifle's you or is hostile tends to be normal. also wanting to be anywhere but home is normal in your teens when your trying to figure out who you are without the expectations of the people you love and don't want to heart hanging around your head. Take a deep breath that does get better. As for the talking to yourself... I think everyone past a certain intellect does it we've just all learned not to do it out loud or talk about it in anyway to others as anything other than i was thinking or a train of thought i had.
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