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1 month ago · · Anxiety,
I hate feeling like I'm not good enough. Especially when I catch myself begging for forgiveness where it is not needed. My mother is a prime example of the toxicity in my life. She constantly always yells at me, expects more than what I give, pushes me to do more and more when she clearly sees that I am stressing out. She screams at me for listening to music all day. She screams at me for being in my room. I wash the dishes and she will scream at me if there is a spoon on the sink. She never looks at what I've accomplished, she looks at all my failures and she throws them in my face not knowing how that makes me feel about myself. She constantly makes dark humor jokes towards me and I'm constantly feeling like she clearly doesn't love me even though she tells me she does. I don't believe in toxic love because that is not love. I catch myself in bed crying, begging god to take me with him because I'm tired of crying. My depression and my anxiety don't take it so well. She doesn't believe in any of it. She thinks I make it all up for attention. She could look at me having an anxiety attack and she will just walk away and throw me a water bottle like nothing's happening. I have no one to talk to. Me and my sisters are constantly fighting so I have no one. She doesn't let me leave the house so I can hang out with some friends because then all I want to do is be outside and I'm never home. It's always something haunting me and I feel like I can't escape this world that I'm living in. I am literally crying writing this message. I feel an anxiety attack coming now. I'll learn how to live with my anxiety sooner or later.