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This is my first time writing an unsent letter but right now it feels like the healthiest thing to do.
Dear D, it's been a while since we spoke for the last time. Your birthday. Last December. You said we could still be friends and I said I was okay with that but I guess we are both liars. You knew we could never be friends. We were never really friends. You just wanted to play with my feelings, body, and head. God, you ruined me in every single way one can be ruined and I hate to admit it but I'll let you ruin me a million times more if you wanted to. I can't believe I fell for your sick games. I can't believe you actually made me think I matter, that I was beautiful, that I was perfect for you. Bullshit. No one is ever going to be perfect nor enough for you. You are a baby on a 25-year-old man's body. You know nothing about hurting people, you know nothing about feelings... It makes me sick to know that I pushed myself into something like that. But, it makes me sicker knowing that I would do it all over again. I hate what you did to me. I hate how much I changed for you because you really made me believe that I could be good for you. And only God knows how much I wanted to be good for you but you just took every single thing I gave you and turned it into dust. Now it's gone. Everything I was is gone because of you. I could never hate you but I hate myself for loving you this much. I know you're with someone else now... I've seen her. You told me you hated social media but right now you are everywhere. I would love to say that you are showing her off on purpose to make me feel mad or sad but I know I am not that important to you. She is beautiful, by the way. Absolutely beautiful. You said you weren't ready to date but I guess you were not ready to date... me. Who was it who make the first move? Was it you or I? Who started this sick game? Who lied first? Wasn't me.
I wish I could hate you.
G.
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