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This isn't as bad as it sounds in the title. I'm a student pediatric nurse and I want to work with serious ill children. Possibly children with cancer. I chose this because I want to help children to be happy for as long as they have. I had never witnessed a death but I had a feeling it wouldn't upset me too much so I felt like I would be fitting for this role because I care about children but am not affected by death.
But today a baby died and everyone kept asking if I was okay. They said it was okay to cry. They expect me to cry. It makes me feel heartless when everyone points out to me that death is supposed to make you sad. Death is a relief from the suffering the poor child had to deal with in life. Why should that make me sad?
It's sad that the parents have had to suffer that loss of course. But personally the baby's death just didn't affect me. I'm more concerned that I seem heartless. Like I'm supposed to feel something but I just don't.
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I am a nurse too. I understand how easy it is to become indifferent to death and loss. I work in hospice, and sometimes I feel as if I should grieve but I don't. It’s not quite like working with children. But I look at it as, they are in a better place and not longer in pain or suffering. There is nothing wrong with you. If you remember from your psychology studies, it is a part of “conditioning” (i.e. job duties). Just always remember to never act indifferent to your surviving patients and their families. Always show them compassion even when you don’t understand their grief. However if you feel that it is becoming an issue for you, you have colleagues to help you through it just don’t be afraid to ask for help. Best wishes to you fellow angel in disguise! ❤️
ReplyThis baby is not yours so it is okay not to cry. Like you I don't understand why you should be sad. People should stop assuming things instead of realizing that others react differently to events.
Replyeveryone reacts to things differently, i am sure that if they saw the situation from your point of few they´d understand where you´re coming from. death shouldn´t be a sad thing, everything comes to an end eventually. i hope the family keeps strong.
sending you much love<3
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