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Why did I end things with my girlfriend and best friend?
3 years ago · 0 · ex girlfriend, +3 · Explicit
442
I knew a girl for 10 years. I met her through her cousin who I went to school with. We loved 3 hours apart but we messaged a lot and visited when we could. Eventually we got together and dated for 2 years.
We had so much in common and were so alike. She didn't judge me and accepted me for who I was. But as time went on things became difficult between us and in hindsight I blame myself for this. I wanted to spend more time with friends, I was finishing uni and wanted to make the most of it, and this upset her. I didn't want to have kids or get married and she knew this but stayed with me. We were barely sexually active with each other. We had sex on several occasions but she was severely overweight, had bad teeth and did nothing to look after herself. Even her sense of style was very meh and whenever we did sleep together I didn't want her taking her top off.
She gave me the silent treatment whether she was upset over something and over time this agitated me until pushing point where we got into an ugly and aggressive argument and I dumped her. I was upset but at the time believed it was the right thing to do and I should have ended it earlier.
I broke up with her 2 years ago and I feel like it was a mistake and I am ashamed of my behaviour. Why did I blanently not want to have sex with her? Why did I keep pushing her aside for friends, all of whom I don't speak to anymore? Why was I such a cruel and judgemental person who felt ashamed at the fact she lived at home after uni, shared a room with her sister, worked night shift in a paper delivery firm and complained about not having a career?
I had such an attitude because I felt she had no long term goals or plans and just didn't care about how she looked or acted. But now I appreciate her free spirit. She was always up for travelling, adventures and not living a full life. And since we broke up all I've done is run my own business, join a hiking group and bought my own house. But it feels so empty and unsatisfying because I have no real close connections to anyone.
I feel like a horrible person for judging not only someone who lived me unconditionally but was my oldest and only friend when I had no one.
I'm torn over this and don't think I can get over it.
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