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It's hard. I feel the overwhelming sense of doom/anxiety/sadness that makes life seem like an oppressive hellscape. But now in this state I am a little more aware. I know that the pain will only get worse from attacking myself in this state. And I vaguely seem to know that I shouldn't be attacking myself anyway now. And I'm not. And I think I should be saying nice things to myself maybe. But I just don't. It's like a thing is caught in my throat Chakra or something.
Trauma is hard. Sometimes it feels like there is no healing. Sometimes I feel so isolated. But somehow I keep trying to live better ...more ok...
And despite the protests from the devil on my shoulder, it seems to actually be working. Now, to just learn how to heal more I guess. I still don't feel normal enough to really socialize. And it hurts to stay so far from others. And when I do deal with people it's weird.
And I know other people have big and bigger problems. But I'm fighting off the self-hurting thoughts and the suicidal feelings still. I keep fighting, trying to heal. It can get scary and confusing sometimes.
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Good. keep fighting off these feelings, ask God to help, and one day you should feel a lot better.
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