I'm just so disappointed... And frustrated...

I've been working for the last month to prepare for an audition. I love theater and when my school announced that we were going to do an extra musical this year, I was thrilled.

I practiced the song for a month, watched live performances of the show, and worked to get my grades up so I would be allowed to participate (I've been struggling a lot academically due to the pandemic, so this was a big challenge).

When it came time to audition, I spent about four hours recording the pieces I needed. The tech kept crashing and I kept wanting to give up because I'm really insecure about my voice and the perfectionist part of me kept wanting to record over and over.

I finally turned something in I was proud of and I filled in a form telling the director some information the next day. I thought I was good to go. Grades up, audition in, and formed filled out. Everything was due yesterday and I turned it in.

But then last night at about midnight, I answered the phone in my pajamas to my friend telling me that my form hadn't gone through and that it wasn't showing up as turned in. I freaked out and checked the form, but I saw that it actually had gone through. I was relieved and I went to bed.

At about noon today, I got another call from the same friend asking if I was absolutely sure I had turned it in. This freaked me out, so I went to check and I saw an email from the director, telling me that my form wasn't in and she was being nice and letting me have until eleven to turn it in.

It was twelve.

I had to baby sit until twelve today and I never got read the email.

I tried to message her and tell her that I had turned it in. I sent a lot of messages, including screenshots of the turned in form and answers to everything I remembered being on there. She never responded to anything.

I don't think my director likes me much and I think it's because I appear as irresponsible. I struggle heavily with time management and despite my best efforts, I can never seem to do things right when she asks for them. (I really think that I have ADHD. Time is so hard for me and it moves at different paces all the time and I just can't figure it out). So anyway, she never replied.

Hours later, I'm still panicking and so I check all the stuff again. That's when I realize that on the "things you need to submit" paper, there's another form mentioned. I must have missed it, which makes sense seeing as I struggle with reading and I wasn't wearing my glasses when I first read it.

I missed the other form and by the time I realized, I was over three hours late to a deadline set by a teacher who thinks I'm sloppy and that I don't care.

I filled it out anyway, but I don't think it matters...

I'm so upset.

The director just posted a message saying she's finished casting the show already, but I only finished my form a few minutes ago. I missed out on something I worked really hard for because of one stupid form. I'm so mad at myself and I just feel sick.