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lYour perspective on this could help me get some clarity.
3 years ago · 3 · Need Advice, +3 · Explicit
298
I've been in such situations way too many times.
I'm a part of the group where no defined work is there for me. Everyone's socialising and talking to each other and it's not like I can't socialise, I'm just bad at entering convos where people know each other well. Each minute that goes by without me speaking makes me feel like I'm hardening my image in their minds as someone who is a shy introvert. I don't want people to think of me as that. And it is very stressful. It's almost like I'm trying to control how people think of me in every group situation. When I feel like I'm not able to join the convo or have a doubt that someone thinks of me as lowly, I start losing confidence in even trying and in how I look.
Just a few minutes back I was in a zoom meeting of covid volunteers. There's the core team members with their videos on and a couple of other volunteers who had switched off their videos.
I was having a pretty demotivated day but I kind of forced myself to join the meeting. Since I'm extremely conscious of how I look, I dressed a little bit. But as I entered and had my video on, I noticed that I really didn't have much to say except smile and agree and laugh at some jokes. I really want to be a part of the conversation but I'm not able to. I turned off video just cause I didn't want people to see my face without me saying anything. I started feeling embaressed being there with my video on and having nothing much to say. Made me question my worth in this call, despite the fact that everyone's 'volunteering' and that work will slowly begin. And then towards the end the host who was handling the meeting says that he is disappointed with the people with video off cause it's hard for him. But it's hard for me to keep video and have nothing much to say or do, it makes me feel like everyone's judging me for being a shy introvert. But when I think of it, I realize hiw stupid it was of me to do that because i literally put effort, lil makeup and changed my to for the call.
Why am I this person who puts in the effort but cannot get recognised because of my inability to join convos. Or fear of being judged in a group?..
This always makes me depressed. Makes me feel like my whole life I'm going tocbe this person who does a lot of work behind, for desperate reasons and never shows it because of some insecurity and then when others come forward talking about similar extra effort they put, I'll be feeling shitty.
Please help.
Say anything that you think about my situation..
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I feel the same way, my advice to you is to find someone who isn’t talking and start up a convo with them, and if they’re all talking to someone, just be yourself go to someone you want to talk to and listen to what they’re talking about and if you know what they’re saying or speaking about make commentary, if they don’t like it, they can deal! And my advice with the fact that you don’t get recognized for your hard work, would be that you make them do more work or put your stamp on EVERYTHING, so then your boss or whatever can see that you’re doing all of the leg work and the others can get in trouble. 😈 I’ve done this and it works.
ReplyI am a very social person, so this is second nature to me. Sometimes I like to be part of the group and sometimes I just like to listen. I think if you want to add something, or say something, 1. Ask a question it shows your interested and your listening 2. complement good work like if you had a lot of volunteers show up for something, like that was a great turnout and just a general thanks for donating your time. 3. depending on your group throwing in a joke is good too. At our work every Tuesday and Friday someone tells a joke granted sometimes there super corny but its still nice. You need to take a deep breath and stop worrying what they think in the first place if their thinking anything, because a lot of time when I am on a zoom meeting i am totally thinking about something else.
ReplyEveryone, everyone everywhere... even the most glamorous "celebrity".. has insecurities.
The key is to be confident in your skills, abilities, talents. Truly accept the fact that you have accomplished things in the past because of your skills, abilities and talents. Best of luck.
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1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
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