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Hey there! DespicableMe here,
It's been a hot minute, but I'm back and I've got some goals to fill with this site. That is a focus here, right? Using this platform for emotional progress?
Well, let's see here. I've been doing alright in the month and a half I was gone. In that time I've had a bit more time to talk with my therapist and I can say without any doubts that this is it. This is where I'm taking my life back and getting things back on track.
So I'm going to try to limit how much I allow myself to write, in terms of negative emotions and thoughts. Because I know that giving those things attention also gives them power. It's essentially meditation on pain and agony.
I'm working my way towards gaining the courage to get out into the real world and in some aspects it's exciting because I know that if I can pull this off, then I can definitely get better. Plus the fact that I can still hear this unknown voice calling me to find it, definitely a female voice, very soft, very faint. Something inside me recognizes the voice but I can't really pinpoint it. There's only one word that comes to my mind when I think about it, soulmate.
That would be exciting, right? To have that ability of knowing that your dream partner is still out there, looking for you.
Anyway, so that's a far off goal. I'm still nowhere near ready fo actually find her. The work required, I've gone over numerous times but to summarize, it would be things like having gainful employment, being ok being alone (which I'm getting better at), and how about acquiring some other connections? You know, like some actual friends. Not many, but still. From a psychological perspective, the best and most beneficial is 3-5 close ties. I could stand to find 3, but I don't know if I could juggle more than that.
And of course having a passion in life will assist me in a lot of different ways, making life more fulfilling. I'm still determining on what exactly I want to be my passion. It's between some things like the weather, politics, music, baking and connecting with nature (hiking, camping, photography etc). Of course it wouldn't be a bad thing if I just pursued all of these things as well.
In terms of employment, I don't want to fall back into the customer service industry. It's just not me, but I'd take the job right now, thats undeniable. I'm not trying to be so picky as to limit my options. But to aspire beyond that is the goal. I had talked about getting into welding some time ago, i think it might be something I might pursue if I can manage to pay off my old college loan debts. Which, in my current situation would be possible provided I had an actual job. I could definitely pay it off within a year. It's something like $14,000 so it might take a year and a couple months but I could definitely do it.
Another thing I know is that I'm not comfortable at all with investing in stock, but I have to push myself out into that world because I know for a fact I'd accel at it, so long as I do my homework I'll be able to make some nice doe on that, so welding becomes more of a direction than an end result.
And you see? This is where my brain usually shuts me down. I'm dreaming pretty big here and these are fairly long term goals. My brain doesn't like it when I do this because there's so much doubt I'll succeed, in part because of the rest of reality and in part because of me.
So that's what I have to do, i have to literally SHOW myself that it's ok to dream big so long as I'm keeping myself grounded as well.
Keeping track of the small goals, here and now, that will lead to those bigger goals eventually. Being smart about it and using any knowledge I can to further my progress.
I'd like to think I'm a decent person and I know I wouldn't use others as a stepping stone, so I'm not worried about any asterisks next to any of my achievements. I know I'll do things in a moral way and I'll be trying to help others that I come into contact with as well. Build others up as I'm trying to build myself up as well. Personally, i think that's gotta be one of the best feelings when you can see how you've benefited someone by whatever means, be it advice, friendship or even in some sense a healthy rivalry. I don't mean like full on rivalry but a bit of competitive rivalry.
So that's what my goals look like and with my current therapist, i think i could definitely get there. So things are looking up, so long as i allow myself to.
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WELCOME BACK!! I MISSED YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO 😊 FRIGGIN HAPPY!!!! I KNOW YOU CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS AND MORE AND DAMMIT IM HERE FOR IT!!💜💜💜
ReplyThank you, it is sincerely appreciated.
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