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I don't rely on ppl and tend to do everything on my own and figuring out think by myself, I'm very scared to be vulnerable and ask for help, I feel like a bother and feel like I should be the one helping not the one who need help, because that what I always did. My family, friends easily rely on me so I have this mindset that this is my role and because I'm the one help them I shouldn't bother with what's going on in my head because this isn't supposed to be like that.

But honestly I'm having a hard time these past few months, I'm good at hiding it but I've been feeling really really bad, day by day I doubt myself even more, I loose confidence, I loose self esteem, I'm starting to be meaner to myself, hurting myself in many way, blaming myself for a lot of thing but I'm well aware of what's true and false but I can't stop thinking badly of myself and being mean to me.